Falcon Screeches for Monday, January 9

So, after the thousands of dollars I have already paid to obtain my college education, I have to pay $35 to graduate? Was my $40,000 not enough? The one major lesson I learned is that people will nickel and dime you to death if they can get away with it.

-GRIEVING GRADUATE

Why do professors assign homework before classes begin? Talk about an intimidation tactic. Because of this, I instantly hate you as a professor. Break was short enough and you had to end it a week early. My grudge toward you will be held throughout the whole semester.

-PRE-CLASS CURSING

I am finally excited for a new semester to begin, and everyone I work with comes down with pink-eye. Now instead of chatting up the lovely ladies in my classes, I will be sitting in the back of the room incognito trying not to spread it. Thanks, guys.

-PINK-EYED AND PEEVED

To my roommates, I understand that I am the maid of the house, but you guys can clean up after yourselves while I’m gone. There were three bowls in the sink and when I came home after three weeks, the same bowls were there. Unless you want to split rent with the ants and fungus you invited over, I suggest you guys clean sometime.

-CLEAN UP YOUR ACT