Fans stunned by recent revelations

Baseball fans around the world were delivered a sharp blow yesterday amid allegations that the defending world champion Chicago White Sox had practiced in the off-season.

Needless to say, many longtime baseball aficionados were shaken to the core. One man who described himself as a White Sox fan “since last September” angrily remarked, “Who do they think they are? Practice is for preschoolers.”

Another fan chimed in, “Yeah, really. They make so much money they shouldn’t have to practice.” Other fans echoed his sentiments; an extensive telephone poll revealed that 73 percent of Americans no longer trust the abilities of Major League Baseball players.

“I thought they could do anything without trying ” I’ve lost my faith in the game,” another fan lamented. He added that he would “no longer” go to any games in person but would still “watch every single one” at home.

Fans weren’t the only ones disturbed by this news; other players around the league were extremely vocal about the issue.

One player who spoke on the condition of anonymity was clearly frustrated: “Whatever happened to the good ‘ole days, when all you had to do was take steroids and sign autographs? Now they expect me to work for my paycheck?”

Animosity toward the White Sox was prevalent among many of the other teams’ players. One Cardinals pitcher remarked, “This is baseball. What makes them think hard work will help them?”

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen quickly became defensive when pressed: “I admit it. We practiced. Big deal. I’m not proud of it, okay? But we did what we had to do and we won. That’s what matters, isn’t it?”