Well, ladies and gentlemen, winter is once again upon us. The iceman has, indeed, cometh (no, not Val Kilmer). Just like the swallows descending upon San Capistrano each year, every winter brings with it a new flock of whiners.

I cannot go anywhere nowadays without hearing someone complain about the damn cold. “Oh, it’s so nippy out,” or “Man, when’s summer gonna be here again?” or “Help me, I’m dying of hypothermia!”

Wah, wah, wah. We get it: the cold sucks. Here in BG, it can get especially nasty, what with the major wind speeds, heavy snowfalls, and complete lack of sense. I see people walk around campus in pajama bottoms and slippers, and then I have to endure their endless diatribes about how bitter cold out it is.

(Honest to God, I saw a kid walking around in shorts and sandals the other day. SHORTS and SANDALS!) Here’s a tip folks: They make winter jackets for a reason. You put them on. You get warm. It’s a pretty basic concept.

Hell, even homeless people have those awesome Silent Bob-esque trench coats to keep them warm! It says a lot about a college student when they don’t have the same resources as the homeless.

Plus, it seems like everyone around here hates snow. Come on, people! It’s snow! The stuff dreams are made of! We all need to hearken back to our days as kids when forecasted snow used to mean something: no school, playing outside with friends (if you had any that weren’t imaginary), and enjoying hot soup/cocoa by the warming glow of a fire/television screen.

We need to look at the beauty of the snow: how the moon glistens off of it at night, how amazing fresh powder sounds crunching underfoot, and how awesome it was to pack snow around a rock and whip it at some pathetic sap’s head (or, if you were a great shot, his man-tackle).

Now, sure snow can be a bad thing, especially on the roads this time of year. But my feeling is, if you’re stupid enough to not realize that snow in the road means there might be dangerous conditions, you deserve to crash.

Around here especially, it seems whenever there are a few snowflakes on the ground, everyone drives like they got their license from the Helen Keller Bureau of Motor Vehicles.

Then, they freak out, and wonder how they could’ve possibly got in a wreck by going 50 on a road covered in a foot of snow. Remember kids: 15-car pileups are God’s way of eradicating idiots from the freeways.

So, in final summation: dress properly (not like a complete moron), go out and play in the snow (like a moron), and learn how to drive properly (not like a moron). Oh, and QUIT WHINING!

Jon ([email protected]) is freezing.