With Earth Day coming up I started to think abnormally hard about the environment.

Yeah, I recycle my empty bottles but that’s just because the dorms have those nifty little brown carts that are conveniently low to the ground. I mean, that’s where I usually am after I finish my bottle of Jack so it only makes sense! But then I said to myself, “Self, what are you doing to help the environment?”

That’s when I started to hear the crickets and a tumble weed blew by, metaphorically speaking, as this was all going on in my head, like most of my conversations. At that moment I decided to get environmentally active.

Unfortunately for the future of human existence, getting environmentally active means I actually have to get active . . .

I started doing little things like wearing my roommate’s clean socks instead of wasting water washing the six or seven loads I have fermenting in the corner of my dorm.

I did other things too like using only half a can of aerosol hair spray while trying to make my hair look as messy as possible for class; that is, until I decided it was best to stop making my hair messy chic for class at all.

Of course that means I stopped going to class completely. I mean, hey, it is for the environment!

One day when I was tired of napping and bored with doing absolutely nothing in the name of the environment I decided to go see the viewing of “An Inconvenient Truth.”

My thinking is that Al Gore created it and he’s a Democrat and the Democrats are always hugging trees and stuff. I’m not going to go as far as to say I’ve decided to start voting or anything, but if I were to I’d defiantly vote to legalize all that is green.

. . . I never did make it to that showing.

As soon as I stepped foot outside and saw snow again I went back inside quicker than you can say “electoral college.”

How the H am I honestly supposed to believe that the globe is warming when it’s snowing in April!?

Screw environmentalism, I’m going back inside . . .

Amy ([email protected]) is going back into hibernation.