Think about equality on Valentine’s Day

What’s the best gift for Valentine’s Day this year?

I vote for the toe-curling, neck-tensing, mind-blowing orgasm.

I’m guessing a few of you are thinking you do that for your partner every time you have sex, but you may be surprised to find out you’re not.

Yes, it’s time to consider getting rid of the need for the fake orgasm.

I’ve faked it, but only because it became clear I wasn’t going to get a real one. Moaning, groaning and panting usually tips my partner off that I’m finished and he can hurry up and finish, too.

The truth is I just want it to be over because I’m incredibly bored.

This was my existence (with a few exceptions) until I met my husband. Sex with him was good, but nothing I hadn’t experienced before physically. Emotionally it was over the top, though.

Then he had his orgasm and I prepared to roll over and go to sleep. Color me surprised. He wasn’t finished.

As far as he was concerned, sex wasn’t complete until both parties had climaxed and that day I was introduced to my first toe-curler.

My husband also has this belief that if I have an orgasm early in the fun, which happens a lot, I am due to have at least one more.

Since I have rarely had an experience where my partner did this for me, I finally asked him why it was so important to him to make sure I finished as well.

“Because I want to make you happy,” he said. “And it’s not fair for me to have an orgasm and you not to have one.”

It’s too bad not all men feel that way. The tried and true practice of ending sex at male ejaculation is something women have grown accustomed to.

Perhaps it is because, to reproduce, male ejaculation is a key to the process. It’s not necessary all the time because of pre-ejaculate, but it is easier to make a baby if the man reaches completion.

Who decided a man’s orgasm is the end of the sex?

Most likely it was a woman who just wanted to get dressed and go about her business, because, I hate to tell you men, but it gets boring just lying there and watching you have fun.

Sex is great, but truthfully very few women can climax from vaginal penetration alone.

The clitoris is “a small, highly sensitive sexual organ in the female, found in front of the vaginal entrance” according to the Web site, Understanding Human Sexuality. This small bundle of nerves is actually what the penis would be during prenatal development. Boys get a penis and girls get a clitoris. The opposite of penis is not vagina.

A great way to get a mind-blower is to have some sort of clitoral stimulation during vaginal intercourse.

If your sex life is like mine, and there is a desire for the woman to have more than one orgasm, try to use a vibrator after the man’s orgasm.

Melanie Stewart, a woman who has had a few sexual encounters, had never had an orgasmic equality experience until she met her best friend and father of her daughter. Richard finished and then decided a vibrator was the best way to get Melanie to join him in his euphoric bliss.

“The first time I had an orgasm from using a vibrator with Richard, I shouted, ‘Oh my [expletive]’ and threw [the vibrator] across the room,” Stewart said.

If you really love your partner, gentlemen, don’t you think you owe it to her to let her swear like a sailor and throw sex toys around the room in joy?

So go have fun and make sure you’re both too drained to move when you’re finished. It’s good exercise for the body and the soul.

Ladies, stop with the heavy fake panting and demand your right to orgasm.

Gentlemen, enjoy giving her that orgasm and don’t do this just for your significant others, but anyone you’re sexually active with.

If you love her, then make her happy.

If you just want to have sex with her, remember what she says about how you perform will determine if you get more people knocking down your door or less. It’s your choice whether you’re labeled as a bad or good lover this holiday.

For those of you who are by yourself today, take advantage. Explore your body so you know what feels good and what doesn’t so you can educate your future partner. And give yourself the toe-curler you deserve for surviving another V-day.

I wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day and a great orgasmic day. I hope you enjoy your evening as much as I plan to enjoy mine.

Send comments, questions and ideas to Chandra Niklewski at [email protected]