Last week, I had a little visit from a friend of mine.

His name’s Murphy.

Most people know him as the basis for Murphy’s Law, which states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Boy, did I learn that this afternoon. This is the story of how $29 and 20 minutes became the burden of my existence:

3:31 P.M. – Pondering what I’m going to do on a Thursday night in BG without “refreshments” or any sort of party to go to (yes, I’m just that sad), I get a phone call from a friend wondering if I want to go see a movie.

3:32 – “Well, I’d love to go, but I don’t have any money.” But, I do have some in the bank. The bank closes at 4. I’m about a 30-minute walk from the bank. It seems like I’ve got a quest on my hands “

3:35 – Depart from my room with my best friend Murphy in tow.

3:36 – Decide if I hop on the bus I can get to the other side of campus quicker. Murphy thinks this is a horrible idea.

3:37 – Wait for the bus.

3:38 – Still wait for the bus.

3:40 – Decide that the bus driver is a too slow for me and I’m not taking the bus today.

3:41 – Forgot to check the weather before I left. 89 degrees and copious amounts of sunlight aren’t helping me. At all. I’m sweating like President Bush at a fourth-grade spelling bee.

3:43 – Run into an acquaintance that has “the funniest story” to tell me. I tell him I have to be somewhere. He says it’ll only take a second.

3:45 – I tell him that I really need to leave but he continues his horrendously boring story.

3:47 – I yell at him, telling him that I’d rather hear a cat being branded than listen to his awful story anymore. He gives me a dirty look. I make a suggestion that would have gotten me a slap from my grandma.

3:49 – In this heat, I feel like I’ve been traveling with Moses for 40 years. I decide cutting through the air-conditioned art building is a good idea. Murphy likes this idea too.

3:51 – I am lost in the art building. I consider asking one of the various art kids for directions. I decide against it because most art kids are scary anyway.

3:52 – Find my way out into the oven that is the University. I decide cutting across the Harshman lawn is the quickest way to the bank. How do you think Murphy feels about this?

3:53 – As I make my way through the “beautiful” landscaping, I try to cut through some newly laid mulch. Both of my legs sink knee-deep into the mulch, and I lose both sandals. I begin making up swear words that would make a sailor blush.

3:53 – Someone walking by says, “Oh man, it must not be your day.” I contemplate attacking him with a pen.

3:54 – I fish out my sandals and begin to walk across the street. The bank is in sight. I smile a little.

3:57 – I arrive at the bank with three minutes to spare. I consider calling myself a god until I read: “Hours of Operation – 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.” I begin to laugh.

I contemplate how much of a d-bag Murphy is. He doesn’t care; he just laughs at me and thinks of other ways to torture me.

Jon, who still has dirt caked under his toenails, can be reached at [email protected].