The ancient philosopher Plato believed all things have an ethereal Form (yes, caps). Everything on this planet is a mere copy of the ethereal perfection that lurks justbeyond our immediate realm, and my hands are the closest thing to that ethereal form you are gonna get. My hands have spent hours training at the Miss Flannerson’s Falange Academy of Finger Performative Arts for 12 years, and they have never missed a class. You want them to point at you and convey an energetic emotion while not being too threatening? They’re your guys! You want the perfect circle that comes with the “okay” gesture from across the room? Right hand has your back! You want tapered, mocha-colored, double-jointed jazz hands to lift your spirits and your heart rate? Done.
“It’s been a difficult 12 years, I’d say,” mouths the timid Left Hand. “Right and I had some creative differences, but our upbringing really prepared us to stick it out.”
“We really put our thumb to the grindstone,” says Right, “and I gotta hand it to you, with a little flexibility, you can grasp anything!”
I’ve watched these two start off as small meat sticks that couldn’t even snap to fiddlin’ fast friends with two gold medals and seven Grammys. If you have a chance to hold them, (which, please, ask before you do) you’ll immediately notice the air of prestige that surrounds them, which, admittedly, makes them a bit hard to deal with.
“Many people, when they first see us, are intimidated — not by our size, don’t get us wrong, but just at the sheer precision of every movement we make,” says Left.
“When we were growing up in Siberia, where the academy is located, you should’ve seen what we had to go through! The callouses, the cracks, the paper cuts,” Right asserts. “We have every right to hold ourselves to the standard we do. We went through hell.”
Nonetheless, the siblings still manage to let their hair down: Left likes to skateboard and occasionally hold things, and Right really is the essence of a renaissance individual.
“I write, type, open doors, pick things up, draw, paint, turn on tv’s, work out, pet dogs, pet cats, scratch off lottery tickets…” Right said.
But what do they like to do together?
“Clapping,” Right admits. “It’s the one thing I couldn’t do without my sibling!”
