This is so hard for me to admit, y’all, but I have to say it: astrology is not real. I am a recovering believer. I know my own birth chart like the back of my hand: Cancer sun in the twelfth house conjunct Mercury which bi-quintiles a Leo ascendant. It’s all there in my noggin, and it’s *clap* all *clap* garbage *full on applause.*
If anything, my horoscope keeps me attached to fatalistic ideas that fuel my own self-hatred and give me a reason to fear interacting with other people (I can’t come to the party because a giant rock in the sky is telling me not to).
I have dug so deep into this thought pattern, even going so far as to researching my friends’ horoscopes and mine and accompanying Saibian, Kozminski and Janduz symbols (If you know what these are, you are fast approaching the point of no return — please keep reading there is hope!).
Why? Because, for a time I believed that certain “degrees,” placement of a planet on the birthchart, could answer if one of us could be the next president, hit celebrity or spiritual leader.
Do you think this behavior is sane, Bea?
“Dunno, LeT’s AsK ThE SuN!”
There have been days where I look up my specific aspects and fear the next day because my moon is square Venus that day. Or I obsess about my midheaven and wind up doubting my own prospects of getting a job in the career path that the celestial harbingers have graciously given me — a path I am not aware of yet, by the way, because the stars haven’t shown what specifically I am supposed to do on this maybe-dying-maybe-saved planet.
I have checked my horoscope constantly at 6 p.m. (that’s when it updates) hoping for a definitive sign that answers the question of my life’s purpose. Every time I check, the stars automatically and without question suggests this: dig a little deeper, which I take as come back at 6 p.m. tonight to find out more!
In the end, I did what the stars said. I dug deep and found out my life was being run by gas-and-rock giants in the sky that had no personal relationship with me or my friends. Sure, they are in our solar system, but I am the closet object that can dictate what I do with my life; I have the final say in what I do, not the planet Mars.
Now, is there any value to astrology? Maybe. It’s cool to personify the way you feel, love, communicate and find purpose. Making your mind a separate entity from your own consciousness is an excellent way to figure out the art of self-control. But that control is found within yourself, now in the present moment, not several years from now when Jupiter is transiting your 10th house.
