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March 21, 2024

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Spring Housing Guide

Players who hurt their team more than they help

In the NBA, we have superstars, we have All-Stars, we have role players and then there’s the “others.” For now, we can refer to these “others” as poison. They’re players with big numbers and stats, but when you dive deeper, you realize that these stats are not reflective of how they actually impact their team. So, here is a look at some of those players in what will be dubbed the “All-Poison Team.”

Starting at point guard, we have Monta Ellis. Ellis, who is currently with the Indiana Pacers, has played six different teams throughout his NBA career. While he has averaged 18.7 points per game, he has also posted almost three turnovers per contest. Ellis is known to be primarily a driving guard, but he tends to drift back out to the perimeter if he hits a couple jumpers in a row.

Subsequently, he is notorious for “heat checks,” which can be simplified as either bad or forced shots. Ellis has made the playoffs only five out of his thirteen seasons in the league, and his hopping around from team to team proves that coaches and managers have taken note of his hindrance to their team’s success.

James Harden is the All-Poison shooting guard. Harden’s numbers are incredibly impressive on paper; 29 points per game, six rebounds per game and almost eight assist per game catch any basketball fan’s eye. However, Harden is a dribble “addict,” for lack of a better term. The ball is always, and I mean always in his hands.

Harden’s rockets were the eight seed in these playoffs and were dominated by the Warriors, even after the loss of Steph Curry. Harden passes to get himself an assist rather than to give his teammate a chance to score. He takes almost 20 shots a game and has proven in both Oklahoma City and Houston that he does not mesh well with other superstars.

Our All-Poison small forward is Carmelo Anthony of the New York Knicks. Anthony has made the playoffs 10 times, but has only advanced past the first round twice. He is an offensively (only) minded player and is similar to Ellis in that he is extremely prone to “heat checks.” The Knicks have been horrendous the past couple years, and while some people speculate that the problem is within the role players, Carmelo might be the actual prime suspect.

Starting at power forward, we have Demarcus Cousins of the Sacramento Kings. Cousins is consistently one of the league leaders in technical fouls and is known for his short temper. With coaches being fired and players leaving in recent years, questions over Cousins’ lock room problems loom as well. He has never made the playoffs, and if recent trends continue, it appears that he and the team he is apart of never will.

Finally, our All-Poison center is Dwight Howard. Howard shoots an abysmal 57 percent from the free throw line in his career and averages close to three turnovers per contest. Like Harden, he has also shown that he does not mesh well with other superstars, as exhibited by his time in Houston and Los Angeles. In the past few seasons, Howard has shown little heart and determination in his game and, while shooting a high percentage from the field, appears to cause in-game tension between his teammates.

So there it is. The NBA All-Poison team. At times, these players can be great.

But at most other times, they have proven to hurt their teams much more than they might help them.

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