For all of you out there looking to do a little early Christmas shopping, I have found the perfect gift. For a mere $39.99 you can take home your very own President Bush action figure. I kid you not; the Commander in Chief will soon be coming to a toy store near you. Blue Box Toys is proud to announce the arrival of “Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush — U.S. President and Naval Aviator.” The figure bears the exact likeness of Bush, flight suit and all, as he was on the day in May when he landed aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln to declare an end to the major fighting in Iraq. Now both children and the Republican Party can spend their days pretending that George W. Bush had some sort of a military career.

Don’t get me wrong. I too, have no military career to speak of. I’ve never been a member of any branch of the Armed Services, nor do I have any future plans of signing up. However, I don’t prance around for photographers pretending otherwise. For an action figure to be issued in the likeness of Bush, in full military apparel nonetheless, is at the very least an insult to the men and women who have given their lives for this country. Speaking of which, it should be noted that there has been more American casualties since Bush’s declaration aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, than there was prior to his declaration. What it boils down to is that when it comes to military service, if Clinton was a slap in the face then surely Bush is a knee to the groin.

If Bush was so eager to put on a flight suit then he should have taken advantage of that during the Vietnam War, instead he went AWOL. When Bush applied for a position in the Texas Air National Guard he received a twenty-five out of a hundred on the entrance exam. I think it goes without saying that this is a less than stellar score. Despite his score Bush secured a spot over hundreds of higher scoring applicants. It was probably Bush’s application essay and not his father, the Congressman nor, his grandfather the Senator, that sealed the deal to keep the future president stateside. Most people would be content to simply avoid Vietnam, not Bush. Because after securing the position he went AWOL for a year. As much as some people might like to dismiss this as liberal propaganda, I assure you it is not and encourage you to use the Freedom of Information Act to investigate the matter further.

Maybe you are saying to yourself those are the acts of a young man, the President has matured since then and has demonstrated a renewed commitment to the Armed Forces, again you would be mistaken. Recently an editorial in the Army Times accused Bush of paying “nothing but lip service,” in regards to the military. Bush opposed a measure that would double the $6,000 gratuity received by families of troops killed while on active duty.

This is of course in addition to cutting veterans benefits, cutting danger pay, and cutting family separation allowance for troops in combat zones. But hey, he really did look pretty impressive decked out in that suit and parading around the deck of an aircraft carrier filled with troops who had seen actual combat. Perhaps I am being somewhat unfair. To the best of my knowledge Captain Kangaroo never served in the military either, and yet nobody criticizes him for referring to himself as a captain.

After all, Bush is the Commander in Chief so that should count for something. With that in mind, I take back everything I said; I think these figures are a phenomenal idea and not at all a disgrace to anyone who has ever worn a military uniform. $39.99 for my very own “Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush — U.S. President and Naval Aviator” figure is a steal, and as soon as Bush’s tax cuts reach my pocket I’ll be sure to pick one up.