Sex column: not meant to be a how to

Female columnist seeks audience willing to talk openly about sex, love and dating for new column. Must enjoy honesty, humor, and possess an ability to discuss taboo subjects.

Yes, over the coming months, I hope to take you on an entertaining and sometimes humorous journey into something we all will experience, experience currently or have experienced. But be forewarned: I will not coddle you. I will be blunt with you. I will talk to you frankly about everything from dating to sex and from birth control to orgasm. I’ll delve into the mysteries of men, women, and the overwhelming enigma of dating. I see this as a “Hey, don’t we all go through this?” and “Yeah, that’s something I think about too” column. And I’ll do my best to make it both informative and entertaining.

If I can, I’ll try to clear up some of the confusion that surrounds dating. But I won’t make any promises.

I suppose rather than try to explain to you what this column will be, I’ll take the easier way out and tell you what it won’t be.

1) It will not be a “how-to” for the bedroom. I’m not about to attempt to rewrite the Kama Sutra or the Tantra. If you really want the pointers, I can tell you where to pick up a copy. (For those of you completely wired, I hear the Kama Sutra is now available for your Palm Pilot.)

2) I am not promoting random sex, irresponsible sex, unsafe sex or even sex in and of itself. Ultimately, the choice to abstain or not abstain is yours. I’m not here to effect a change in your opinion.

But sex should be discussed. Sex should be understood. So, despite your views on sex, I will address it.

3) This is not an advice column. Feel free to e-mail me with questions about relationships, dating, sex, the opposite gender, your own gender, etc. I will not be answering specific letters in the column, nor will I even attempt to dole out advice on how to fix your personal relationship dilemma or sex problem. I am not a licensed counselor, nor a psychologist, nor a professional. I’m simply a writer with a long and strange dating history that makes great fodder for conversation.

It’s strange. I never thought I would end up writing some sort of sex-relationship-love column-thing. I mean, I was never the type of female to read girlie-mags or paint my toenails pink. When it comes to television, I’d watch “Dateline NBC” over “Sex in the City” and “Meet the Press” over “Friends”. (I do, however, have a strange fascination with those dating shows like “elimiDATE” and “Blind Date”.)

I always imagined myself writing a highly political column, something where I promote political action and civic involvement, something to the effect of suggesting critical mass protests and quoting Jello Biafra and Minor Threat songs along side Thomas Paine and Carl Marx and Noam Chomsky.

If my column was to be about something other than politics, I was positive I’d write about sports. I wrote a couple of guest sports columns in high school and at my former University (Indiana University), expressions of my deep devotion to baseball and tributes to the Seattle Mariners. The thought had crossed my mind of doing that again simply so I could rant about the greatest hockey team on the planet (the Detroit Redwings) and profess my love for college soccer. But if you had asked me a week ago if I’d be writing a dating-relationship-sex column, I would have called you crazy, among other things.

This whole sex column idea all came about when Scott Niles, Opinion Editor, decided he needed a female columnist. I told him one of the editors and I had joked about writing a column about our ex-boyfriends and the dating rules we have formed thanks to them. Then Scott approached me about actually writing this column — a column about sex and love and relationships. And here it is, the first column, which actually has little to do with sex, relationships or love, but I felt it necessary to introduce myself and use this column as “get-to-know-you” time.

One a side note, if you are a tall, dark and handsome single male and you enjoy long walks in the moonlight, playing in fountains on warm July nights, old black and white movies like Casablanca, hardcore, and punk, and traveling to new places, then forget this column and come find me.

E-mail comments to Stacy at [email protected]