Miss D.,

I’m a student living on campus, and I love it here. I’ve really felt at home here at BGSU. I wear the school colors nearly every day; I go to as many sporting events as possible, all that stuff. The problem isn’t me, it’s my younger sister who is in her first semester on campus.

We’ve always been pretty close as siblings, and actually I was kind of glad she decided to also come to BGSU, but things are getting out of hand. While I got involved in a lot of stuff right away, she has had a harder time socializing and doing other stuff on campus. As such, she follows me everywhere. To games, around campus; nearly every day she tries to hang out with me in some fashion. At first I felt like it was my duty to help her try to feel welcomed here, but now it’s a bit overwhelming.

Part of it is I feel like I need some independence, but a lot of it is I want her to have a good experience here too and learn to be herself. She sees me wearing a lot of Falcon gear, and sees I’m happy a lot, so she goes out and buys a bunch of stuff and wears it too. It’s ridiculous. When they had students on the field to welcome the football team to the game earlier this year, she insisted on accompanying me too. Miss D, I’m getting smothered. It’s not good for either of us.

How do I tell her that I care for her but she needs to try to do some stuff on her own?

– Birds of a feather need to flock apart

Dear Birds of a feather need to flock apart,

I can understand your stress. You are happy that you and your sister can share a common bond for loving the University. I myself am an older sister so I understand the need to help and encourage your younger half. However, everyone needs their space and their own place to be a part of. You can’t be expected to be with your sister every day; you both need space.

From what you what you wrote, it sounds like you don’t think your sister actually has a passion for the University. She is just copying you to try and feed off of your happiness and not going out to find her own. This is the problem. Your sister wants to be happy here. She saw your happiness and she wants the same thing, but starting to make a new home somewhere is hard.

I would suggest you encourage her to find something new that you haven’t yet. Does she have any hobbies that differ from yours? Was she in a club in high school that could match one here? You need to sit down with her and tell her you care about her happiness. I’m sure that following her older sister around all the time isn’t making her the happiest person either. If she could find something that is hers, she would like that as well.

Tell her that you want her to be happy and that she needs to find things that are her own. Try to get her to tell you about her troubles and how she can’t find her way. If you can, introduce your sister to new people while giving her encouragement to go out with other friends or people in her hall. To find other clubs and activities that she might enjoy and make her happy. You both may be sisters, but that doesn’t make you the same people.

You need to address this, or the problem will only get worse. I know that sounds cliché, but I can’t stress enough how important it is to tell her how you feel. It’ll only help the problem. Don’t be afraid to voice how you feel. It’s okay to put yourself above your sister considering you seem like you’re putting her above everything right now.

With Love,

Miss D.

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