“I imagine that one of the reasons people cling to their hate so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with the pain” – James Baldwin.

Pain is a natural part of life. We bleed, cry and clench our hearts when we go down.

Hate is a result of love lost and feelings hurt; we just do not want to accept the reality of the pain that follows.

We lose loved ones, a significant other, a brother and sister, a best friend. Life is unpredictable and experience will throw many questionable moments your way.

There are two things you can do about pain: you can hate it and the situation or you can let life flow.

When you break down pain, you realize that the pain we feel comes down to the idea of connection. When we lose a significant other and we are mad at the love lost, we find hate because we disconnect.

And that is so unnatural when you think about it.

We love to connect with people on many levels – both socially and intimately. When we connect, we feel good and invincible because we are wanted and accepted for who we are; that is called love.

There is nothing more powerful than being able to live off the energy of connection, because we can find ourselves embracing who we are from every aspect of our lives.

At the end of the day, we just want to feel that we can be ourselves and express our deepest thoughts. And connections makes this possible.

When we disconnect, we lose this security and it hurts like no pain we thought was possible. Losing someone we cared so much about is like picking a flower; eventually the life is sucked away, as color fades and darkness takes effect.

Whether it is a significant other or a friend, disconnecting with people is both unnatural and painful. Hate occurs because we are in denial and feel that we can control the situation.

When feelings are lost, we just don’t want to admit that it’s over and that we have to move on. We cling to the idea of failure and feel there was something more we could have done.

We search for the control, which leads to self-destruction. We just hate – and it tears us into pieces.

No matter the pain and amount of hate we use, love is always around, because the truth is we just wanted to stay connected. And that is OK.

No one is perfect and mistakes are going to be made and it will result in disconnection with people. Pain has a way of keeping our humility in check and it does so by teaching that we must work hard.

That is why we run from pain and emotions. But hate is an emotion, too.

Clinging to hate gives us the illusion not only of control, but also that the control will make us stronger. Pain is what drives us for something better in this world.

No matter how much you want what you think is fair, hate will only drive people further away and destroy them and you at the same time.

Letting go and letting life flow is simply dealing with pain and fighting off hate, because at the end of the day, love is the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is your choice to deal with pain through hate or love.

But I ask you this: is it better to be destroyed or rebuilt?

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