It’s important to have your ego checked every once in a while.
In your undergrad, this would seem to happen a lot, but the real soul-crushing experiences are fewer than they might seem to be.
Think of one thing that really has your ego intrinsically tied to it. Some prompts: your looks, your writing, your conversation skills, people skills, reasonableness, your creativity, likeability, empathy, etc.
Now, has your belief in this ever been profoundly questioned? As something that makes you who you are, has it been cast into doubt?
It’s more than getting a C on a test you thought you aced. It’s failing your major capstone course. It’s more than not getting the number from someone you really thought you had charmed. It’s being derided for thinking you had anything to offer another person. It’s more than scrapping an art work because it’s not looking right. It’s panicking that you may never actualize what’s in your head into the real world.
For me, it’s my ability to be completely right about something and then argue it flawlessly. Naturally, I am still in my fledgling years of philosophy, but it is still easy to see myself as eons above where I actually am, in regards to how well I can articulate a perfect point. I’m typically quick with a good point or new perspective and I am always getting my ego boosted by my peers and teachers, at least in conversation.
My ego-check came to me a few weeks ago at a debate competition known as Ethics Bowl. Importantly, this was my third year competing, and I was the only veteran among the two teams that attended.
In past competitions, I would say that my ego was not nearly as tied up as it was this year. For me, this year the stakes were higher, as a senior vying for a national’s spot. I genuinely believed that it was my year and I had progressed in so much that my argumentation skills did not need as much attention as they apparently did.
My team lost, and with the way the competition worked, I only presented once in all the rounds. Perhaps needless to say, it went rather poorly, and we lost the round.
But aside from what actually occurred, I went into a tailspin of self-loathing and doubt. This lasted about a week.
I questioned the talents that had gotten me this far in my academic career. I berated myself for being so foolish and hard hearted. While I do not suggest that everyone experience this kind of self-derision, I do encourage people to endeavor to humble themselves.
They say if you are the smartest person in the room then you are in the wrong room. Aside from what can be gleaned from this on its face, it’s also important to consider that your intellect is not the end-all be-all of measurements.
Before competition, I had coaches that challenged and strengthened my arguments, but there was an element of competition that I continually neglect to remember; that there is always more to consider.
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