When using the computer labs on campus, please do not use the scanner computers when you are researching or writing a paper, especially when the lab has multiple empty computers. Seriously, I only need to use the scanner for 5 minutes and you are being selfish by taking it up for hours.

—PRESSURED PRINTER

I don’t get how human beings can be so destructive. I literally watched a guy manhandle a microwave, another dude kick in kitchen cabinets and a third man rip out metal railings from the ceiling. Note, this destruction was caused by some of the people who are actually renting out this house! I guess some people like waking up to tables on their roof.

—PARTY HARD

People need to be more aware of their surroundings when drunkenly wandering downtown. I felt like a sheepherder trying to get all my friends together this weekend, and I was kind of tipsy as well. Talk about the blind leading the blind. You guys need to get your stuff together, especially when there are cops on bikes a few feet ahead.

—WORRIED WALKER

I usually hear about guys dancing with unwilling girls, but this weekend, I had the opposite encounter. I walk into the bar and this girl grabs me by the collar and doesn’t let go. For 15 minutes, I tried to pry myself from her death grip, and to my avail, I succeeded. However, people need to realize that girls can be unreasonably aggressive as well.

—DIRRTY DANCER

I’m wondering if there is some sort of program where they teach their girls how to pose drunkenly for photos. I’m so sick and tired of seeing the same pose: hand on the hip, breasts pushed up and a not-quite-happy smile on the face. It doesn’t matter how cookie-cutter your poses are, the girl taking the pictures with the unreasonable flash is going to make everyone look like ghosts.

—SORORITY SORROWS

I’m tired.

—SENIORITIS

I’m sorry to be the one to say this, but not everyone thinks you’re the greatest. These walls have ears and you won’t like what they are hearing. You’re not as beloved as you once thought. In all actuality, the people you call friends are quite upset with you. Apparently, you’ve betrayed more people than just me.

—REALITY CHECK

Oh, hey what’s up professor? I see you think it’s a great idea to cram a bunch of busywork in at the end of the year. Oh, and you’re going to assign a major project due this week as well? Super! I’m so stoked for the end of this semester and spending an unreasonable amount of time on this class. After all, this IS the only class I have!

—THINGS NO ONE SAYS