School is too hard for us students. We want easier professors to help keep us from failing. We would also like to disenfranchise ourselves from the Falcon name. A Falcon is a fierce, fearless bird which doesn’t represent our fundamental beliefs. Instead, we are now establishing the BGSU Clay Pigeons. Like the Clay Pigeon, we are incapable of independent flight, and once forced into the real world, we are either shattered by the high speed bird-shot of reality or slowly glide to the ground having no effect on the world whatsoever.

-FEAR THE BIRD

Don’t you hate when you plan some sort of party with a close friend and they bail the night of? Seriously, I spent a lot of time (and money) planning a fun night out and you ditched me at the last second. I guess your second option was better.

-THANKS, FRIEND

I hate it when professors say that getting a “C” on an exam is good and a “B” is honorable. If it was so damn honorable, then curve the exam grade and give these admirable “B” students an “A!” After all, only like three out of 40 kids got an “A” on the exam.

-BITTER OVER A “B”

I seriously want to find one person who’s never going to give me up; someone who will never let me down. I want someone who is never going to run around and hurt me. I feel like everyone I find will always say goodbye, tell a lie or desert me.

-PAIN IN THE ASTLEY

OK, bro, we drank the exact same amount last night, yet you’re more hungover than Zach Galifianakis in Las Vegas. I got up and worked out the morning after, yet you’re still hungover at 9 p.m.

-SUCK IT UP

If you have a party, you should probably clean up for yourself and not make the rest of your roommates pick up after you. I’m tired of Lysol, dirty dishes and looking like an alcoholic when I put cans in the recycling bin.

-RAGING ROOMMATE