Falcon Screech

The Dial only served fried chicken all weekend.

— #FRIED

I’m glad to see that I failed my paper seeing that I was never given a freaking rubric for it. How can a professor possibly think we can cover all the bases if they give us no guidelines? At least give us a length requirement. I can’t just predict what you want to see.

— MISGUIDED

To the kids in class who sit there and snort their snot: blow your nose before I punch your nose. Nothing is more grotesque and distracting than hearing you drain your sinuses. Yeah, it’s getting cold out. Yeah, you’ve got a runny nose, but blow that stuff so we don’t have to hear it all class. Oh, and buy some hand sanitizer while you’re at it.

— RUNNY AIN’T FUNNY

I hate when there’s that one person at the party who decides he or she has to baby all the drunk people. If you tell said drunk person that they’re going to get sick, they’re going to get sick. The proper healing method is to keep their energy up, their minds off puking and let them dance off the alcohol. You’re just making the whole night worse.

— LET ‘EM LIVE

The semester is slowly winding down and I’m sitting here, preparing my finals schedule and all of a sudden … what do I see? A 10-page paper due in two days? Hot dog! Professors: if you expect your students to have assignments turned in on time, just give them a little heads up, maybe a one week’s notice? Is that too much to ask?

— SAVE THE DATE

Don’t you just love how Bowling Green goes from having a beautiful, 65 degree day to being a cold, dreary, 35 degree day? Oh, mother nature, you sure keep us on our toes! I can’t tell if I should wear a scarf or a pair of shorts on any given day. Given the spontaneity of the weather cycle, I’m guessing that tomorrow we’ll have … Armageddon.

— FRIGID B*TCH

Guys, using girls isn’t amusing or cool. You don’t give your gender a good reputation by doing it. You’re making yourself look idiotic by taking advantage of females. You walk around saying you’re a man, but real men don’t manipulate and lie. By the way, write your own paper next time, OK? OK.

 — MAN UP