Students packed room 101 in Olscamp last night to hear Lori Hart Ebert’s interactive discussion on the different ways men and women communicate, think and act.
Her presentation titled “Everything You Always wanted to Know About the Opposite Sex,” sponsored by the University Activities Organization, focused on interaction between men and women and how it affects relationships.
Ebert has a doctorate degree in higher education from Georgia State University and currently serves as the director of Alcohol Education for Pi Kappa Phi Fraternity.
Members of UAO brought Ebert to campus because her discussions focus on issues that are relevant and important to college-aged students, said Brittany Barhite, UAO president.
“We’ve brought a lot of concerts and comedians this year,” she said. “We thought a person who could lecture about something that’s important, but also fun and enjoyable could be beneficial.”
Ebert began the night by stating that a way in which men and women are biologically different is the brain.
According to research, men have anywhere from a 10 percent to 20 percent larger brain than women mostly because they are built bigger, Ebert said.
“Our brains are structured very different,” she said. “Brains work differently for men and women and biologically we are just built differently.”
Women’s brains are structured to allow them to multi-task.
“This is why women can paint their nails, do a little instant messaging, drink some coffee, talk to their girlfriends and write a term paper all at the same time,” she said.
Men’s brains are not built to do five things at once. They are built to do one thing at once, Ebert said.
“That doesn’t make them stupid, it just makes them able to do one thing at a time,” she said.
When women ask men to do 12 different things at once, it just doesn’t work in relationships. It makes it very challenging, Ebert said.
Through Ebert’s presentations over the years and through talking to an array of college students, she has come to describe the average college male and the average college female in two words. Men are simple and women are complicated, she said.
“When you put simple and complicated together in a relationship, a lot of times it’s a mixture for disaster if you’re not careful,” Ebert said.
Communication is one factor that separates men from women. Men are taught to communicate in the form of making statements while women communicate primarily by asking questions, she said.
“If you don’t believe it, start listening to yourself in relationships,” Ebert said.
“When you ask a question, he’s going to answer you because he is simple. He heard a question, he answers the question.”
The way men and women act in relationships is partly based on how they grew up as children, Ebert said.
Boys tend to play outside in large groups they’re young and it’s all about winning and loosing, she said.
“Playing to win follows them their whole lives,” Ebert said.
Women, on the other hand, tend to gather in small groups and are more concerned about being liked, which is something that stays with them as they grow older, she said.
“The great thing about relationships is you can change who you are and how you communicate, and you can improve your relationship,” Ebert said.
Ebert wrapped up the entire discussion with an analogy of women and shoes. Women always want those perfect pair of shoes to go with that perfect outfit even if the shoes don’t fit, she said.
“We wear the outfit and we say ‘these shoes really hurt,'” she said. “You’ve got blisters forming as you speak, you’ve got blood, but you’ve got the shoes.”
When we wear shoes that aren’t comfortable, we know it and we don’t wear them again because they hurt our feet; they rub wrong, and they don’t feel right, Ebert said.
For some reason, when it comes to relationships, people don’t apply that same knowledge, she said.
“To me, the head and the heart work just like the foot. It’s really easy to know when it isn’t working. You’ve got to listen honestly with your head and your heart just like you’d listen to your foot if you were crammed into shoes that didn’t work for you. That’s how simple it is to me.”
