So, this week is the one-year anniversary of when Facebook first came to Bowling Green. I know, I know, it’s hard to remember life before The Facebook.
I think if you looked at a master list of how people wasted their time and saw the average time spent on Facebook was like four hours, you’d be like, “Phew, I’m normal.”
Have you ever met someone, and you’ve already seen their Facebook profile? You don’t want them to think you’re a weirdo so you play dumb and start asking them questions you already know the answers to. “So hey, what’s your major?” Even though you know that it’s like middle childhood education.
It always cracks me up when people say in their profile they are interested in “whatever they can get.” I find that hard to believe. I mean, what if you walked up to them with like a dog?
Or sometimes I’ll sign-off Facebook and just stare at the login screen like a cocaine addict looking at the edge of his coffee table, thinking to myself, “Well, I’ve really got nothing better to do right now,” and then I sign right back on. That’s when you know you’re really addicted.
The lower stages of addiction are the people who think they’re “too cool” for Facebook. Obviously, this is a sign of denial. These are the people who like to be “different” and pretend not to like the site, even though they never gave it a fair chance to work its wonders in their lives.
Those people are essentially the non-users. That’s the bottom part of the spectrum.
True addiction includes the people who view class as merely an obstacle that keeps them from Facebook, and who constantly check their friends’ recently updated profiles, trying to figure out exactly what was changed.
I even saw one guy who would take pictures out of a person’s webshots gallery and then put them as the background on their computer (and no, it was not me).
That just goes to show how deep the addiction can go. If a person gets to this level, there is no turning back.
If that wasn’t bad enough, now there’s a new Web site called Xuqa.com, which is like the illegitimate child of Facebook and MySpace. You might have visited Xuqa before; if not, don’t. You’re not missing anything. It’s whack.
Xuqa gives you ‘peanuts’ when you sign on to the site, which you then use to buy people fake gifts online. I think this is a pretty silly concept. It’s not like you would get an E-gift and be like, “Aww, how sweet of them to buy me this fake beer. I’m really touched.”
And besides that, who are you buying these gifts from that takes peanuts as currency? Are elephants running the market?
Facebook is a way of life; Xuqa is like one of those cheap Beanie Baby rip-offs you would get when you were a kid from one of your grandparents who didn’t know what the difference was, and you still had to pretend that you liked it, even though you were thinking, “This sucks, this isn’t the right thing at all.”
Facebook is a freaking verb. You can’t say to a person, “I’ll Xuqa you,” because then the person would be like “God bless you.”
‘#160;
See Josh ([email protected]) at the Black Swamp Pub in the Union tonight at 9 as he competes in the final round of BG’s Last Comic Standing.