We always see lists of dumb laws that are like a hundred years old and that don’t apply to us today. “You can’t play Black Jack with a goat in an outhouse” or “you can’t drive blindfolded” or “you can’t kill a man for not liking your humor column.”
I’ve just thought that as a society, we have moved passed ridiculous laws, but our good friends in the state of Hawaii have just kicked it up a notch.
When you buy a used car in Hawaii, if there are any outstanding fines or tickets on the car, you are responsible for paying them in order to register the car.
Yeah, you read that right. Either pay the fine yourself, or contact the previous owner of the car and try to get them to pay for it. I’m sure that’ll go over real well.
(ring, ring) “Hello.”
“Hi, is this Jim?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, I just bought your old Kia and you have a few unpaid parking tickets. I was just wondering if you could take care
of those?”
“No.”
(pause) “Well that’s – I see where you’re coming from, but there is still the fine, and it’d be great if you could take care of it – hello? (dial tone).”
Some people in Hawaii have raked up hundreds of dollars worth of fines. If they didn’t pay them when they had the car, why would they do it for someone else?
I think the Hawaii lawmakers are spending a little too much time on the beach drinking their coconut milk, eating their pineapple, and listening to their album of that Hawaiian girl from American Idol.
Wouldn’t it have made more sense to pass a law where you can’t have any outstanding fines in order to trade in your car? Not, “Hey, let’s make the person who buys the car responsible.”
It would be like going to a restaurant and trying to get a table, and having the host say, “We’re sorry, we can’t let you sit there because there’s still food on the table. You either have to eat the food, or find the people who were sitting there and have them finish it. We can’t have any outstanding food.”
You’re like, “It’s Denny’s. You ain’t gotta worry about having outstanding food.” This all just seems so medieval. Someone is being brought before the king: “Your grandfather betrayed me – now I must flog you.”
But here we have it. This law not only makes lowlifes (pardon the term if you’re a lowlife) not held accountable for their actions, we’re punishing other people in the process.
I might have to write a letter to the powers that be in the Aloha State. I just have to brush up on my Hawaiian skills first. If you go to hisurf.com, you can find a Hawaiian dictionary. They only use 12 letters (so it’s something that they have in common with the average UT student). It certainly makes playing hangman significantly less fun.
Wa’awa’a is the Hawaiian word for stupid – hmm? If that’s a word, then I guess I started speaking when I was like three days old, as opposed to when I was six years old. When I write my letter to Hawaii, it will have to use wa’awa’a numerous times.
I’ll do whatever it takes to get that law changed. I know I have a huge following in Hawaii, so make sure you guys kakau ia nou congressman.
All that I can say is hopefully you’ve read to this point. Otherwise your first born will be responsible for finishing it.
‘#160;
Readers, it’s that time of the year, where Josh Benner does his annual Hawaiian Cruise. Join Josh this Christmas season for 8 days and 2 nights aboard the big blue boat. E-mail him if you’re interested ([email protected]).