So here we are, Halloween, and no this is not the same column that I had in the paper last Wednesday.
I have at least a two week statute where I don’t repeat columns, But enough about me, let’s talk about Halloween.
Today is the real Halloween, the last day of October. It amazes me how many people believe in ghosts. Why do ghosts exist?
There are many reasons which I will now talk about and disprove.
Reason 1: They had unfinished business.
If that were the case, wouldn’t everyone be a ghost, who dies with everything together? I know I didn’t.
Reason 2: They have to right past wrongs.
It’s a ghost, not Alcoholics Anonymous. “Hi my name is Chris, and I’m a ghost.”
“HiiiIIIiii Chrrrrrrrris.”
Reason 3: Ghosts are souls of people who have died, but who are sticking around in order to avoid going to Hell.
Yeah, that’s reasonable I’m sure God is like, “Hey, Bill died a couple of weeks ago, but I can’t find him. Oy gevalt!”
One of my questions has always been why do ghosts always seem to stay in the same place, or confined to one house or graveyard.
And people always have these little rules, “Oh well the ghost can’t leave.”
What’s that? The supernatural being can’t leave the open graveyard.
Excuse me while I snicker to myself for a moment.
Or when they say that a place is haunted because some guy killed himself there. Why would he stay in the house?
His life obviously wasn’t all that great to begin with.
Although if there were a ghost of a person in a house, and if they would let me interview them, I think this is how it might go:
Me: “I’ve always wondered, can you see through people’s clothes?”
Ghost: “I’m a ghost, not superman.”
Me: “So how come you stay in the house?”
Ghost: “Pshyeah, like I can afford to live anywhere else. I don’t have any money. That’s why I killed myself back in ’29 to begin with.”
Me: “Oh so the stock market crash?”
Ghost: “No, no, 1729 … the great beaver pelt shortage of 1729.”
Me: “Well you know, you can pretty much live anywhere. It’s not like you have to pay rent anymore; you are a ghost.”
Ghost: “Well I’ll be dead.”
Me: “I’m going to avoid the obvious joke with that.”
Other questions that I had but did not get a chance to ask the ghost included, “Do ghosts refer to a city with a large population as a ‘People Town?'” and of course, “Who’d win in a fight club style fight Slimer or Casper?”
I know if I were a ghost, I’d stay up late into the night watching episodes of 30-Minute Meals with Rachael Ray, and laughing hysterically at my past columns. Oh wait; both of those things I do every night already.
Now if you were looking for a ghost on campus, there would be one logical place for you to start off – the Macateria, because if you’re alive when you go in there, the food will just about kill ya.
It’s funny, (Warning: if you are currently eating, skip this paragraph) I’ve only eaten at the Macateria one time, and I was having pancakes. This fly is buzzing around me, it lands and gets caught in the syrup.
That is 100 percent true. It was like that scene in Jurassic Park with the mosquito in the tree sap.
However, being Mac food, the fly significantly improved the taste. Although I wonder if that’s where the ghost of the fly still resides?
Places on campus that are rumored to be haunted include the Eve Marie Saint Theatre, sixth floor Offenhauer East, Chi Omega’s house and obviously the huge graveyard in the middle of campus.
Well I’ve never heard that the graveyard is haunted, I just sort of threw it in there. Although it might not be fair of me to assume that just because someone is a ghost that they’d be chilling in a graveyard; it would be like assuming that all overweight people hang out in doughnut shops.
Or that all Toledo students hang out passed out on the floors of bars.
‘#160;
Send comments to Josh Benner at [email protected]
‘#160;