Dummies don’t survive in college.

Luckily, you’re probably not one of them. After all, only smart people read newspapers.

Many of you proudly grip this newspaper in your sweet, young hands as members of the freshmen class.

To each of you I say congratulations. You are not an idiot.

You have already proven that you possess the slightly above average grades and ACT scores to gain acceptance to a serious institution (and by institution, I mean our University, not a mental ward…yet).

To get here, you read books in high school; some for classes and some for your own enjoyment. You accepted that studying these works of literary genius was the path to obtaining knowledge.

To get smart, you needed books.

But now you’re in college, where the opposite is true.

Here, in order to get books, you need to be smart.

Any moron can print off their fall semester schedule, run to the Union bookstore, rack up a $300 bill and later wonder if he was ripped off.

If you buy books at the Union, you will get screwed on the price. I don’t care what long-winded explanation some frazzled professor gives you for why the 40-page paperback she picked for the class runs a $35 charge. That’s almost a dollar a page!

Though I do savor every word of my texts, I simply do not care to fork over that much cash.

I’m not interested in why it is this way. I just want it to stop.

The good news is that you have other options available which can save you money, time and a lot of frustration if you do some thinking ahead.

It’s possible that you already picked some of them up during your requisite run through the Union with your parents during orientation.

This is a horrible mistake on your part and one for which you will be savagely ridiculed on the opinion page of the BG News right now.

How do you know you won’t end up dropping the class? What if your roommate is taking it too and you guys can share? What if you win a Xerox machine in a raffle and it just so happens you also have the free time to make your own copy?

The key to the book purchasing process is this: you must think of any possible scenario in which you could avoid buying the book altogether, and tell yourself it is going to happen.

Tell yourself this right up until the professor is preaching in front of the class going, ‘okay, I’m serious, you guys really have to get the text because the exams are open book.’ (Even then, ask if you could maybe borrow hers that day).

If buying your own copy is inevitable, there are ways to suck it up but still maintain your pride. Go to amazon.com or another online bookstore. Look up the titles there. Stare in awe at the fact that you can save $10, maybe $15 on each book. You don’t even have to leave your dorm room!

I realize some of us are master procrastinators and don’t think enough in advance to allow time for shipping. For those people, all I have to say is learn make good use of your return policies at the Union bookstore. You can figure out the rest.

If you find yourself with no other option than to succumb to on-campus purchasing, fear not. It isn’t all bad, especially if you have your BG charge bill sent to your parents.

In this case, who cares how much you spend, right? Go nuts. And while you’re at it, can you pick me up one of those day planners?

No matter where you end up deciding to buy from, there are a few more tips to know.

Don’t buy the ‘recommended’ books. You won’t impress anybody by wasting your money on these. Make sure you’re only getting the ones listed as ‘required.’

Always go for used books first. If books with highlighting and marks by the previous owner bother you, flip through the stack to find the cleanest one.

Sharing a book with a friend in the class sounds like a good idea, but think twice if you live in Mac if she’s in Bromfield. Once she has the book, you are never seeing that thing again.

If a book comes with plastic wrapping on it, don’t take it off until you’re sure you won’t be returning it. Or at least wait until you can’t get a full refund on it (which is Sept. 6 this semester).

Even those English 111/112 folders should be kept wrapped up until you absolutely need them. I know you’re all dying to know what glorious contents must be contained within that overpriced pocket folder, but I assure you it’s only papers.

Returning your books at the end of the semester is a real treat. You will be horrified at how their worth has dissolved into thin air.

You turn in a $70 book and the lady counts back your change in dimes. Sick. It’s just sick.

They will tell you that some of your books can’t be returned at all. There will be tears and wailing sobs. You will feel hopeless and sad. Please visit the student health center of these symptoms persist more than three days.

Buying your books isn’t a picnic, but it’s part of your academic responsibility now.

It’s one you should try to shirk off wherever possible, but ultimately, you must acquaint yourself with its delicate process.

If you’re smart, you may actually get to graduate college at least a little bit above the poverty level.

‘#160;