I read a lot of news stories. And a week never passes without seeing a story where some idiot tried to rob a bank and made some ridiculous mistake. You know, like leaving a wallet behind, or attaching an ATM to a chain on their bumper and when they leave, pulling the bumper off their car with the license plate still attached.
The flavor for this week was a guy who robbed a bank in New Zealand. Apparently he didn’t get as much as he would have liked because he called the bank back a few days later and told them to have the manager put money in a bag and stand in the street, according to The Associated Press.
I can only imagine how that phone conversation went:
(Ring, ring)
“Hello, First National Bank of New Zealand.”
“Hey, this is the guy who robbed y’all last Tuesday. I want more money, so can you just … “
Teller: “Do you want us to bring the money out to you in like a bag?”
Robber: “Um … yeah (thinking, ‘wow, that’s an even better idea than I had’), yes, exactly, that’s exactly what I want. Can you also put a couple of those T-shirts in there that you guys hand out for opening a new checking account?”
Teller: “Anything else?”
Robber: “Hmm … well if you have a vending machine, I’d really like a Mellow Yellow.”
So logically, the bank sends a plain clothes police officer out, but the robber senses something is fishy, so he calls the bank back up and tells them to go to another location.
So the bank sends another plain clothes cop to the second spot, and the guy never shows up. Obviously, they traced the call to his cell phone. Don’t people realize that phone calls can be traced? Same way when people call in bomb threats. Einstein, they’re going to find you.
It doesn’t matter if you pressed star-67 so your number doesn’t show up, or whatever you did, they will catch you, and around the dinner table, they’ll make fun of you and your stupidity.
My stepdad is a cop. He arrested a guy one time who burglarized a house when the owners were away. It wasn’t too difficult of a snag because the people had a security system; the burglar ended up taking a nap on their couch, and was peacefully sleeping when the cops came to arrest him, after giving him a glass of warm milk. (The milk part was an assumption I made).
As for bank robberies, according to the FBI, 76 percent of bank robbers don’t wear a disguise despite the fact that pretty much all banks have cameras. Although some people have had trouble hiding their faces. One man put a plastic bag over his head before a robbery, but he forgot to put holes in it.
Eighty-six percent of robbers never study the bank, although it wouldn’t be smart to be too familiar. A California man robbed a bank, and as he was making his get away, his mother happened to be coming in. She turned him in.
Maybe you’re thinking “Oh, my parents wouldn’t turn me in.” Trust me, they would, and you would never live it down.
A man once robbed a Circle-K by putting a 20 dollar bill on the counter. When the cash drawer was opened, he pulled a gun and asked for the drawer. He made a clean get away with drawer, leaving behind his 20. It was a net loss as the drawer only had 15 dollars in it at the time.
Another guy was a little smarter than that: when he robbed a store and didn’t get as much money as he would have liked, he tied up the clerk, and worked the counter himself for three hours (to get that money too). He was arrested before he left.
Men were in a lineup in LA when the cops told them to say the phrase, “Give me all your money,” but one of them interrupted, “That’s not what I said!”