The word “marathon” comes from the Greek battlefield of the same name.When the Athenians defeated the Persians, at Marathon, a Greek soldier ran back to Athens (a distance of 26.3 miles) to proclaim the city’s triumph over Persia. He collapsed, and said with his last breath, “Nike.” This is the Greek word for “victory,” and the Vietnamese word for “elementary school.” Had the Battle of Marathon happened today, the Athenian warrior might have died right after shouting “Bye Bye Bye.”
This history lesson reminds us of a time when music and marathon running were quite separate. There was also a time when music and good taste were one in the same. But Satan persuaded Viacom to establish MTV, the kryptonite of the music industry. Long story short, MTV garnered enough power to influence some of the worst music in the past five years, also known as “pop music.” Uttering the names of these God-awful bands would only draw attention to them. If you’re under the MTV spell, you are probably familiar with them anyways.
Having said this (and here’s where the first paragraph makes sense), BG’s most coveted annual event invokes such music to raise money for an unrelated, generous cause: the Children’s Miracle Network. As much as I want to see children recover from unfortunate illness and enjoy full lives,I couldn’t stand to raise one of my own in a world where Ja Rule is more popular than Grand Funk Railroad
How could anyone dance to such substandard music for a day and a half? I cringe at those “Now That’s What I Call Music” CD commercials. I’d love to help the children (although I have a knack for making them cry), but churning out mindless dance moves to O-Town isn’t the answer. Maybe these hundreds of students should do the famous (and catchy) “Hamster Dance,” a pinnacle of greatness among mindless websites. Even better, why not have a Super Smash Brothers Melee marathon? Sunday at 6 p.m., repetitive dancers will have had their fill of “It’s My Life,” but a Gamecube-a-thon would have hours of variation. Nothing says “Think of the children!” more than the thought of Link bitch slapping Zelda for 32 consecutive hours. That would be a great way to raise money: by sending Pikachu to its watery grave all weekend. Cartoon violence is a great way of cheering up little children; Aaron Carter (or Aaron Lewis) isn’t.
We all know the concerns that today’s pop stars give bad messages to kids. I’m not concerned about the messages. Come to think of it, there shouldn’t be any messages, period. Music videos contribute nothing to the creative mind. All you need is an imagination and a good song. Don’t get me wrong, there is actually a lot of quality music released in the past few years, it’s just that none of it can be found on MTV. For example, I heard Stone Temple Pilots’ “Sour Girl,” and I got this impression of a horrible relationship. Then I saw the music video, and it was about Sarah Michelle Gellar dying. Now who will slay the vampires that inhabit the WB.
So you see, today’s music no longer contains mind-blowing guitar riffs or memorable instrumental breaks. They’re mainly three-minute moments in your life that could be overlooked if you blinked. But on March 23, when I listen to a weekend’s worth of Van Halen and Styx, I will be praying that little Timmy and little Sally recover from their case of N’SYN-drome.
