Another season is set to begin with “the Osbornes” despite having jumped the shark with Kelly Osbornes’ recording of “Papa Don’t Preach.” The second season makes it seem that the American rebel has lost another role model. A few short years ago the Oz-man was the rock and roll anti-hero for all counterculture. Ozzy Osborne, once famous for biting the head off a pigeon, and urinating on the Alamo, is today’s father of the year, a feat frankly, I’m not surprised.
The counterculture has slowly gained ground on the mainstream, and it’s almost as if there’s nothing left to rebel against. The glam rock band KISS, once thought to be “Knights In Satan’s Service,” now perform at the Olympics. Alice Cooper, famous for mock executions in his stage show, has now become a fountain of knowledge and VH1’s elder statesman. Ice-T is no longer in N.W.A. but on N.B.C. The Motor City Mad Man. Ted Nugent, once considered a screwball with a loose screw, has become a serious political activist. Henry Rollins’ Black Flag now waves on TLC, in the Monster Junkyard. Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” died to a whimper with a cameo as himself in an Adam Sandler film. Elvis Presley’s revolutionary hip shake has become tame, and the Beatles’ “Revolution” is a shoe commercial. James Dean (not to be confused with the guy who makes sausages, Jimmy Dean), the rebel without a cause, is seen in every trinket catalog, his face brandished on every trinket.
As we age, our counter culture becomes the mainstream, and our fond childhood memories or rebellion become lost. The taboo becomes tame and that’s a good thing, right? Homosexuality and inter-racial marriages were once unthinkable, now only a few throw backs bat an eye at the thought. That’s progress and that’s good.
Still I worry about the selling-out of my memories and adolescent rebellion. I still want to believe I’m rebelling, even if I now wear brown shoes (what I always considered the ultimate sell-out). I fear it’s only a matter of time before my memories also sell out and I hear Pearl Jam’s song “Even Flow” used in a tampon commercial. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up and share his wisdom and philosophy on life to become the next VH1 elder statesmen? Is there a reality show in out future based on the (Marilyn) Manson Family? Is Kid Rock going to tell me how to raise my kids? Will I see my high school sweetheart in the center of a nudie magazine (to paraphrase the J. Geils band)?
It’s rumored that one of the contributing factors to the suicide of Kurt Cobain was his inner turmoil of his success and that he felt that any success was selling out. He was having a bit more trouble with the concept than I am, obviously, but still, it weighs on my mind. To have success must you sell out? Or to sell out must you have success? Am I conforming to society or is society conforming to me? Am I selling out or growing up, or is there a difference? Do I want to sell out? Do I want to grow up? Can I do one without doing the other? Paper or Plastic? These are the questions that keep me awake at night.
But I think I’ve come upon the answer, an answer that is so simple I overlooked it. The answer simply is “yes.” I want it all. What’s the point of rebelling if you don’t win? Maybe if you win, you can empty your bladder on the Alamo and be the rubber duckin’ father of the year. Maybe the rebels aren’t rebelling because they’ve nothing to rebel against and society is sold out.
