I still think we’re fighting a war on terrorism. It’s a good thing; I empathize with normal citizens of this nation that terrorists are bad people. What we have always wondered is their motive. Why would Timothy McVeigh destroy Oklahoma City’s Murrah Federal Building? How come the World Trade Center would be targeted once in 1993, and again in 2001? They have their reasons.

Obviously they don’t have a reason good enough to bomb our buildings. I can guarantee, however, that out of the terrorists who are foreign, one of their grudges against our nation is shared by countries all over the world: we don’t use the metric system.

I am no longer a fan of inches, feet, yard, and miles. I have never remembered the measurements of fluids. Does it go cups, pints, quarts and gallons? And if so, how many cups comprise one gallon? Quick, how many feet in a fathom?

Our units of measurement don’t even make sense. People’s front yards span the lengths of several “yards.” Not everyone’s foot length is a “foot.” If the band Nine Inch Nails really had nine-inch nails, they probably wouldn’t be able to play their guitars.

The metric system is so simple! It’s based on the decimal system. We think in numbers of ten. Think about it: Letterman has his Top Ten lists, the FBI has their Ten Most Wanted list and our favorite conference of colleges around this Midwest neck of the woods is the Big Ten. Trying to think in terms of three, six, twelve, 36, 1,760, 5,280, and 63,360 will bamboozle even the most adept physics major.

Also, you’d think the change from yards to meters would come naturally. According to any science textbook, one yard is roughly nine-tenths of a meter. Everyone else’s standard unit of length is longer than ours! You’d think that insecure male Americans would eventually suffer from “unit envy.”

This is why I propose, starting January 1, 2003, we abandon all units of English measurement and adopt the metric system. Our cumbersome, awkward measuring system is doing nothing but putting up walls between ourselves and other countries. It won’t be easy to change, but it’s not easy incessantly referencing a conversion table.

The plan is twofold: first, we teach everyone the actual metric system. Since it is so easy, it will only take two hours. This still leaves us with 364 days and 22 hours to start converting all of our material goods to metric units. That is the second and final step: erase our multifaceted English measuring system and replace it with a simple, rational metric one.

I’ve already thought ahead at some numbers ingrained in our heads that will change. For example, Emmitt Smith broke Walter Payton’s record of career rushing yards in an NFL career by amassing 16,743 yards as of Sunday, October 27, 2002. With a little help from our friend, the metric system, he would have 15,309 rushing meters. Also, with your knowledge of the number ten, you can easily calculate the number in centimeters, kilometers,or even millimeters, if you like big numbers. A marathon, normally 26 miles, will instead be 41 kilometers. Not only is it 41,000 meters by doing math in your head, but also it will seem like you ran a longer distance, which is mentally refreshing. A person’s height, measured in feet and inches, is currently harder than it should be.

If I’m 5’10” tall, then I’m also 177cm.

This metric revelation that went on inside my head came as a result of talking to an international student, who was trying to convert a temperature from Celsius to Fahrenheit. Why should someone from another country multiply their temperature by nine-fifths, then add 32? It doesn’t seem fair. We, as a world, share the same atmosphere, the same air and the same weather. However, we have different temperatures.

If everyone can agree on one system of measurement, then all other components of world peace fall into place. Life would convert into a much better version of John Lennon’s song “Imagine.” If I’m wrong, then at least our soda pop comes in liters, not fluid ounces. At least the terrorists can’t be mad at us for that.