When God made summer, he surely didn’t have nerds in mind. Then again, God always came off as kind of a jock in the Bible.
Summer is the time when the weather is (supposed to be) much warmer. Girls begin tanning at the beach rather than going to a tanning booth.
Since I qualify as a nerd, I won’t talk about why summer is great. Instead, it’s a much better idea to tell you about some crazy websites I’ve seen in the past couple of weeks because I loathe sunlight.
That and I am afraid of taking my shirt off.
These websites aren’t exactly in any order, but I know how some people enjoy cheap, manufactured drama. After all, isn’t that why people watch The Bachelor?
Therefore, in the spirit of sappy reality television, I will count down seven crazy websites.
Why seven?
It’s a lucky number. Also I had planned on doing ten, but I couldn’t think of an eighth one.
#7: carstuckgirls.com. This site won the Webby Award in the “Weird” category. Basically, the meat of carstuckgirls.com is pictures of models sitting in cars that are stuck in the mud or snow. This place has found a place in my heart for two primitive reasons: attractive girls and jokes about women drivers.
#6: weddingdressguy.com. Leave it up to eBay to create some of the most bizarre stories out there. A guy was trying to sell his ex-wife’s wedding dress, so he put it up for bid on eBay along with a funny diatribe about his ex-wife and her family. To make matters even more hilarious, he wore the dress because he couldn’t find anyone else who fit the dress. Suuure.
The website doesn’t have much that the eBay page didn’t already have. Still, the site is a perfect example of how a little creativity can go a long way into giving someone 15 seconds of fame.
#5: amiannoying.com. Simply put, this site rates several celebrities based on their level of annoyance. For example, 71 percent of readers believe that Michael Jackson is annoying and 37 percent of those same people say that Renee Zellweger is annoying.
These numbers originate from a very scientific method — whether or not you picked the “annoying” or “not annoying” button. It claims to be “The #1 On-Going Internet Celebrity Poll.” That may be, but you’re #9 in my book, so deal with it.
#4: engrish.com. For those of you who enjoy watching “Iron Chef” and “MXC,” this site thrives on horrible translations from Japanese to English.
For instance, one may find a picture on this site of some kind of bag, perhaps a grocery bag, which was probably imported from Japan. On it, it has the text “It is great and I want you who are the bag which is easy to use to surely use.” The creator of the website added a comment at the bottom of the page, “Did that bag just insult me?”
#3: menwholooklikekennyrogers.com. I don’t need to explain this to you, but since you may not believe it, I’ll repeat myself. This site has a bunch of pictures of men who look like Kenny Rogers — the country singer, not the baseball player.
The creators’ favorite media exposure has come in the form of a Trivial Pursuit 20th Anniversary Edition question, where the website is the answer to the question, “What website features a Kenny of the Month, Kenny Spotting Tips, How to Look like Kenny and a corn muffin recipe?”
#2: If you dug the water-skiing squirrel, then skateboardingbulldog.com should hit home. It’s the home of Tyson, a two-and-a-half-year-old bulldog. Tyson is capable of skateboarding on his own. He propels himself and is able to stay on the board for a while. He can turn relatively well, and the movie on this website proves that.
Once you see this dog, it will make you look at your own worthless dog and wish it could do something cool like play Yahtzee.
#1: subservientchicken.com. It’s difficult to put into words just how much time it seems this man has on his hands, until you realize that it’s not a live webcam. A man in a chicken suit shows up on your screen, and you type in commands for him to perform. The goal is for the chicken man to willfully carry out your bidding. In actuality, the website has about 300 movie clips of different actions, and it creates the illusion of a lonely man who is trying to gain acceptance in the cyber world. Among some of the best commands to give him is to ask him to marry you.
When Al Gore was sitting in his basement devising the blueprint for the Internet, I’m sure he had in mind that one day there would be a compilation of men who looked like a famous musician.
If Nostradamus was alive today, I’m sure he’d log on, scratch his head and say, “Wow. Skateboarding dog. Didn’t see that one coming.”
We’ve come a long way from the days of dancing hamsters and stealing copyrighted music. It’s hard to predict what unusual website will grace our computer monitors in the future, and I can only help but wonder.
The sad part is, I should instead be worried about getting a tan.
Tell Matt just how big a nerd he is by e-mailing him at [email protected].
