Tension seems to be everywhere. Opinions are going back and forth between people like tiny silver balls in the hit 1990’s board game “Crossfire.”

The classroom is no exception to this scenario.

You’d think professors would keep silent about their own beliefs during class, but that’s not the case. They all do it. How dare they tell us what they think, right?

After all, it’s not like column writers accidentally interject their opinion in their columns. ***RALPH NADER HAS HIS HEAD UP IN THE CLOUDS*** It’s done in a calculated fashion, not inserted haphazardly. ***SNAKES GIVE ME THE WILLIES***

Students are stressed enough about meeting deadlines ***GPA IS OVERRATED*** and maintaining good grades. They want to know the material and know what to study for the test. Students shouldn’t have to be subjected to a tirade about the government by some loose-lipped TA. ***BIG BROTHER IS INVADING MY PRIVACY***

Even if an instructor does nothing more than rant about his or her personal life, ***I ENJOY A GOOD BACK RUB ONCE IN A WHILE*** we don’t care, and they probably think we do care. How dare someone interject their own beliefs during a serious discussion! ***ITALIAN FOOD GIVES ME GAS***

Students tend to be outraged when a professor with one viewpoint conflicts with a student’s political ideology. Student’s don’t like it when profs say something contrary to their own beliefs ***STUDENTS ARE TOO LAZY AND DRINK TOO MUCH***

In one of my classes, I was subjected to opinions by high-paid employees of the University — opinions I didn’t request and cared not to hear. ***THIS YEAR, THERE WILL BE A BRAVES-ANGELS WORLD SERIES***

So what if my professor is going to vote for a certain candidate? That’s great — it’s his right to vote, and that’s what makes this country great. ***NEXT TO “THE PRICE IS RIGHT” AND SUSHI*** It doesn’t change what we believe, so what’s the point? We look up to you to learn, ***YEAH RIGHT, WE DON’T CARE ABOUT GEN-EDS*** not to hear your inner thoughts. If we want to know your opinion on a serious matter, we will ***BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND STEAL YOUR DIARY*** ask you during scheduled office hours.

This could be a dangerous practice. People in high places — like the editor of the Not News section — ***THAT’S NOT A POSITION OF POWER, THAT GUY IS SUCH A TOOL*** could throw their own beliefs into a place where they don’t belong. Journalists who appear on television fall into this category. ***EXCEPT FOR TIM RUSSERT. THAT DUDE KNOWS INTEGRITY***

Granted, rarely does a classroom hear such an offensive and inappropriate comment by an esteemed professor ***PUPPIES TASTE GREAT, ESPECIALLY WITH SWISS CHEESE*** and usually profs will make their comments at the beginning of class — prior to the lecture. I mean, doesn’t that upset you when ***MY ROOMMATE’S HAMSTER DIED LAST WEEK*** teachers inserted irrelevant information in the middle of a lecture? It throws the audience off and distracts them from the main ***THERE’S NO CHEESE LIKE STRING CHEESE*** point.

Here’s some advice for students: pay attention to your profs and listen to their words. There might be something in there that you can use against them. ***I HAVE UNNATURAL FEELINGS TOWARDS WALRUSES*** That might keep them quiet for a while. Then they can stick to teaching the class. ***UNLESS IT’S ECONOMICS, IN WHICH CASE NOBODY CARES***

Opinions can be taken the wrong way when people disagree with them. Maybe people shouldn’t be so quick to ***SLASH THEIR TIRES*** complain, but rather take opinions in stride and worry about ***CRAPPY CAMPUS FOOD*** more important issues.

Matt would love to hear from his readers. ***BECAUSE HE HAS NO FRIENDS OF HIS OWN*** Drop him a line at [email protected].