Before you read any more of this column, I have a word of good advice. Take a deep breath.

No, deeper.

Deeper than that…

OK. Now hold it.

Last week the Environmental Protection Agency reported that 33 counties in the state of Ohio have an unacceptable level of fine soot particles in the air.

And sure enough, good old Wood County made the dirty list (for those of you who don’t know, Bowling Green is in Wood County).

No other state in America had more counties with an unhealthy level of fine soot pollution than Ohio did, so take heart, fellow Ohioans! We’re number one!

Speaking of hearts, air pollution is known to cause a whole laundry list of pleasurable things like lung cancer, heart disease and asthma.

Finally! All the benefits of smoking cigarettes without having to light up! Isn’t Ohio a wonderful place? No, not just a wonderful place, but truly “The Heart of It All,” if that heart were a diseased lump of flesh.

Still holding that breath? Good. This is much healthier for you.

A recent environmental report stated that people dying prematurely from fine soot particles, like the ones we enjoy here in Bowling Green and everywhere else in Ohio, lose an average of 14 years.

Fourteen years. Wow.

Health problems linked to coal-firing power plants, of which there are more than 20 here in Ohio, shorten nearly 24,000 lives nationwide. Almost 2,000 of them are in Ohio.

Ohio, along with Pennsylvania and Florida, had the highest air pollution-linked mortality rates in America.

In fact, Ohio’s air is so dirty that 10 other states are suing Ohio electric companies for polluting their air as well. And they’re winning.

The fact that is really impressive to me is that almost, if not all, of these deaths could be prevented by installing and using technology we have today. That’s right, of the 212 lung cancer deaths in Ohio caused by air pollution, every one of them could be avoided.

So why, you might ask, don’t we use these wonderful gizmos that could save thousands of lives and billions of dollars each year in medical bills?

The answer is because the coal burning industry, and its allies in the White House and other dark corners of government, don’t want to. It’s too expensive. It’s not profitable. These thieves would rather kill you and me with dirty air than have to take a little bit of money out of their pockets to install new technology that would clean the air.

And I’m sure that the pharmaceutical industry enjoys having all of these sick people they can gouge with outrageous prices.

So, as you can expect, there is a great deal of opposition from corporate America to any standards that might make our air cleaner and safer to breathe.

And it’s not that Ohio isn’t trying to do its part to combat the evils of poor air quality. According to scientists from the University of Maryland, after the blackout in August 2003, which started right here in Ohio, an amazing thing happened — the sky became clearer! The horror!

Visibility increased by 20 miles. Sulfur dioxide levels fell by 90 percent, and smog fell by 50 percent.

It kind of makes one wonder what our air could be like if only our government and the corporations polluting the air cared enough, or had the decency and respect to stop shortening our lives, giving us heart attacks, and killing our children.

Wouldn’t that be great?

So the message here is run. Pack your bags, load up your hybrid SUV, and get the hell out of Ohio, unless you want to be one of those cool old people who get to carry around oxygen tanks, only you won’t be old. You’ll be like 30.

Go to California, where despite having millions more people than Ohio, the air is cleaner.

And don’t even think about raising children here. Little Johnny and Suzie will be hacking and wheezing by the time they reach puberty.

Personally, I didn’t know how bad the air was here, and this new knowledge has changed some of my perceptions in life. “Not getting cancer” has now replaced “lack of opportunity” as my number one reason to move out of here as soon as the ink is dry on my diploma.

Okay, you can breathe now. But as long as you stay in Ohio, do it at your own risk.

For a breath of fresh air, e-mail comments to Shaun at [email protected].