Palatin Technologies, a biopharmaceutical company, has recently announced that a drug called PT-141, when administered to female rats, “increased the number of solicitations performed by the female in the presence of a male partner,” to quote a Business Wire press release.

That’s right, a “Brave New World” has once again invaded our bedrooms.

Aldous Huxley, get out!

This revelation has led scientists and investors alike to be giddy with joy, because up until now no drug had been able to cause this reaction in female rats. No, these people are not into beastiality; they’re hoping to have stumbled upon the female equivalent to Viagra, the little blue pill used to prime the pump for old men everywhere — and all without major side effects!

While it’s doubtless that the executives at Palatin are wetting themselves with joy at the veritable bounty of money they stand to make from this new pill, and frat boys are giving each other high fives everywhere, frankly, I’m appalled.

I think it’s a somewhat fair statement to make that males are down for sex pretty much all the time. If a guy is lucky enough to find himself a lady, then the odds are pretty low that if she wants to go all the way he’s going to beg off and go play video games or something.

However, owing to their greater intelligence and self-respect, women are synonymous over time as being somewhat more selective in the wooing and consummation of chosen mates.

Is this hesitance to drop their pants something that women need to be drugged to overcome? Doesn’t creating a drug for women to increase their sex drive undermine their freedom to not want to have sex?

While I agree that ultimately it is a women’s choice whether or not to take this pill, should it ever come out, the pressure to do so undoubtedly puts them in a position to do something they may not want to. Peer pressure can be a tough thing to overcome.

I also understand that there are women who simply can’t enjoy having sex, for medical reasons, and I’m sure this pill would be a great thing for them. If that’s the case, then good for them. However, I feel the risk for abuse of this drug is extremely high.

If a woman doesn’t feel like having sex, then she doesn’t feel like having sex. Big deal. Chemical formulas should not play a role in it at all. Imagine if they made a drug that made you want to do the dishes. I know I would be upset if I went home and my wife had slipped some in my bowl of cereal. Doing something you really don’t want to (especially the dishes) is no fun. It’s the same case here.

Besides, there are effective, natural ways to inciting some booty-shaking in your significant other. Try kissing her. Tell her how wonderful she is and how attracted you are to her. Sing her a song. Write her a poem. Try treating her with a little respect. And these are things you should seriously be doing anyway, not just when you want to get groovy. And no, plying her with beer does not count. Sorry.

I also feel that this wonderful new drug also implies yet another instance of men not giving women enough respect. There’s the implication that men somehow know that women really want to have sex even when they say they don’t. “Are you sure you don’t want to, honey? Here, try this little blue pill.”

Doesn’t that sound creepy?

Instead of creating fancy new drugs (and another fancy new drug is the last thing America needs, unless it cures Republicanism), here’s an idea: let women think for themselves.

Women are already constantly bombarded with horrible expectations about how their bodies are supposed to look and how they are supposed to act. Now we are trying to control how often they want to have sex. God forbid we leave women some last bastion of independence. God forbid we let women (or any person, really) think for themselves for a change. The horror!

I think it’s clear that a drug designed to artificially increase the sex drive in women is a bad idea. Treating a woman with respect, admiration, and genuine affection can usually get the same results in a much more positive manner.

And, failing that, there’s always Barry White, whose deep, sonorous voice does more to get the juices flowing than any drug that could ever be created.

Uh-huh.

Shaun is not a licensed expert on love, but you can still e-mail him at [email protected].