Let us begin with a recap:

On one side we have a bunch of guys in white, blue and grey. They come from America’s largest city, which, in the last few years, has won nearly every sports championship known to the American man. They refer to themselves as oversized humans.

On the other side, there’s a bunch of guys wearing white, black and purple. They have traveled from a state named after Mary, and Cleveland before that. They are named after a bird from a New England man’s poem.

Between the broadcasts of the most elaborate commercials ever made, these two groups will fight for your attention and a metallic football.

Sunday night will play host to the television event that garners the highest ratings every 12 months. We like to call it the “Super” Bowl.

Now that you’re all caught up, we thought we’d pontificate on who should win this contest. Please note the word “should.”

You see, it is the job of most media outlets and ESPN channels to predict who is going to win this game. Then Las Vegas sets odds. Then every one of us proceeds to turn our collective head as the country makes one large wager.

That is not the purpose here. We’re going to explain who we think should, by divine justice, win.

Or, more accurately, who shouldn’t win.

This is a much more difficult argument than it appears. In the last few years, New York has claimed victory in numerous sports championship games. This past year, the Big Apple got so pretentious, it couldn’t settle with just winning a championship. In the 2000 World Series, New York was able to both win and lose the games that became known as the “Subway Series.”

In other words, New York does not need another championship.

However, we must also consider the blight of the Ravens. As the rest of the country marveled at the stodgy defense that Baltimore fielded, folks in Ohio cursed loudly. This cursing would get progressively louder as one got closer to the city of Cleveland.

(For the uninformed, Browns owner Art Modell picked up the team and moved it to Baltimore, making him no longer the Browns owner. Since that time, Ohio has viewed his name as synonymous with Benedict Arnold’s.)

The enmity felt toward the gray-haired Ravens owner grew after he thanked Cleveland for giving him all those years. Ohioans then paused to remove the knives from their backs.

In light of these arguments, it becomes clear that the team who should win the Super Bowl is the Oakland Raiders. However, they lost their chance, so we have to go with one of the teams actually in the game.

It is with a heavy heart that we endorse the New York Giants, the lesser of the two evils.