(Cough, cough, sniff, sniff)

The flu. That was my whole weekend (sniff sniff).

Obviously, my fashion-friendly green scarf didn’t prevent viruses from invading and performing unnatural deeds on my body. In addition, the evil page 3 editor doesn’t care that I am very sick, and so here I am writing my column and drinking orange juice while my white blood cells are doing their duty (cough cough).

In addition to my new found sickness, I can never get beef stroganoff when I want it at the university’s fine dining services.

If that wasn’t bad enough, I had to save someone’s life on friday.

I know what you readers are thinking. “First you were a god, and now you are a hero?” Well, yes (sniff, sniff).

This weekend, I was judging at a high school speech tournament, and on the way home witnessed the most horrendous thing.

Merging onto I-75 south with Page 3 buddies J. Michael Bestul and Lisa Swinehart in my car.

There was a red jeep in the right lane, and it moved over to the passing lane. It went way too fast, and almost tipped to the left. The driver, obviously frightened, hit the brakes and swung the wheel to the right, causing the car to spin around twice. At one point it was actually headed straight for my little silver Escort.

By the skin on my teeth, the jeep did not hit me. However, the automobile slid into the ditch and flipped over!

As all three of us mouthed “OH MY GOD,” I slowed to a stop. The other cars stopped as well, and about seven of us ran over to see if the driver was alright.

Luckily, she was, as she was wearing her seatbelt.

I used my brand new cell phone, which I recieved for christmas (thanks, mom!), to call 911, and everything turned out alright(cough, cough, sniff, sniff).

It was a very exciting time, eventually we all settled down and drove home (very slowly and wearing our seatbelts).

This just proves my point about jeeps. They are the anti-Christ (sniff, sniff).

So please, wear your seatbelt, have a cell phone handy at all times, and drink lots of orange juice! (cough, cough)

Editor’s Note- E.Sean is currently laying in bed, drinking orange juice, and yearning for Stroganoff while battling the flu. Make him feel better at

[email protected]