Three years after George Bush historically declared victory in Iraq in a speech delivered on an aircraft carrier in front of a banner reading “Mission Accomplished,” he has again displayed his trademark bravado by announcing that Hezbollah is the loser in the latest Mid-East conflict.

Of course, Iran, Syria and Hezbollah have all done the same, perhaps with a bit more to back it up since Israel’s invasion resulted in little more than a collapsed infrastructure in Lebanon to be rebuilt by none other than the supposedly defeated Hezbollah.

But never fear, concerned citizen. There is much more to the Bush administration’s counter-terrorism efforts than premature declarations of victory.

Listening to the phone conversations of Americans is also a crucial part of the ingenious strategy.

Even though the current laws allow for a wiretap to be set up and maintained for days before a court order is secured, the Bush administration found it necessary to operate outside these minimal constraints.

To be sure, Bush and company will appeal the recent decision by federal judge Anna Diggs Taylor declaring its warrant-less wiretapping program unconstitutional. If they win, you can be sure that when mom calls to remind you of the terrorist plot you had scheduled for the weekend, the government will

be on top of it.

Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney skulks in his subterranean lair, monitoring films and television shows for any possible terrorist threats.

Recently, he brazenly defended the legality of torture in the event of a “ticking time-bomb scenario” in which a captured terrorist knows, for example, the location of a nuclear bomb set to explode in the near term.

While this served as a great plot device in season two of Kiefer Sutherland’s “24,” Condi Rice needs to remind George Bush of the difference between T.V. and reality before he tries to give Jack Bauer the Medal of Freedom.

Another crucial part of the administration’s strategy for winning the War on Terror is to ensure that voters focus on the real enemy: Democrats. In a recent appearance at a $5,000 – a – plate GOP fundraising dinner at Inverness Country Club in Toledo, Karl Rove claimed that the policies of Democrats “would make us more, not

less, vulnerable.”

Dick Cheney even suggested that Joe Lieberman’s primary election defeat at the hands of the anti-war Ned Lamont might provide comfort to “al Qaeda types.” Of course, with 61 percent of Americans now opposed to the war, it looks as though al Qaeda will be getting plenty of comfort.

Let’s not forget the government’s ubiquitous “no-fly list” which has apparently nabbed more Congressmen than terrorists. Senator Edward Kennedy and Representative John Lewis have been inconvenienced by it, in addition to musician Cat Stevens.

While the pop star’s latest album left something to be desired, it would perhaps be a stretch to call it terrorism.

The uselessness of this program is perhaps only exceeded by the color-coded terror alert system. They may as well just get rid of blue and green; we have never been below yellow since its inception, nor does anyone seem interested in doing so.

Does anyone even pay attention to this thing? We could be on Chartreuse Alert for all I know and I still wouldn’t be sure how terrified we were supposed to be. Does that mean “The Rapture is upon us,” or just “Piss yourself while hiding under the bed?”

At the end of the day, the War on Terror is a joke. Its invocation is more associated with political power plays than with any real counter-terrorism efforts.

One needs only look at the way the recent uncovering of a plot to blow up airliners by British agents was spun by

the administration.

Rather than using it as an opportunity to acknowledge that the only real progress in countering terrorism comes through diligent investigatory work, Whitehouse spokesman Tony Snow held a press conference to announce that Democrats want to raise “a white flag in the war on terror.”

Knowing that the war in Iraq and countless other failed policies have left them vulnerable to voters’ anger, the Republican establishment has resorted to what they do best: attacking

their opposition.

It is time Americans saw through the rhetoric and the scare tactics and recognized the need for change. The politics of fear and deception can only mask failed policies for so long.

Send comments to Jon Bosscher at [email protected].