Lookin’ for ladies: We need a staff

After taking on the position of editor of Not News, I noticed a few things that bothered me: For starters, I expected to get just a little more respect around the news room- or at least for the tarring and feathering to stop.

But sadly, everyone else that works here doesn’t think that the Not News is a “professional,” “smart” or “real” section of the paper.

Other than the nonexistent change in love and respect, I actually got to find out who really works for the Not News. I have to say, I was surprised to find out who my staff was.

In the however many decades the comedy section of the paper has been in print, there has never been a single female writer for this section. It may be because girls would rather work for the Pulse, but I find it hard to believe that there are no funny ladies on campus.

. . .Unless you’re a Women’s Studies major. Then you really aren’t funny. Usually just angry and carrying pepper spray, which let me tell you, that stuff burns like a mother.

But all that aside, I should get back to the point of this article. The fact is, you women-folk should write with the charming and debonaire men of the Not News team.

You may be asking yourself:

“Am I funny enough?”or “What about sexual harassment lawsuits?”

Let me assure you, the Not News staff has zero tolerance for sexual harassment whiners . . . Just kidding. I’d rather not go to court again.

In case you were too disgusted to read though the beginning of this article, let me sum up what’s going on:

One Not News editor looking for female humor columnist, who enjoys long walks on the beach and Taco Bell at two in the morning. English optional.

And to all you Women’s Studies majors: Love you lots.

Matt ([email protected]) is waiting for applications.