Let’s talk about sex

Everybody is having sex.

Not really, but it seems like it sometimes.

When was the last time you talked to your parents about sex?

I don’t mean the anatomy. I’m talking about the issues that dive into the intimacy of the act such as staying safe, what types of things can spice it up if needed, the difference between having fun sex and making love and other topics which cause parents’ mouths to drop open or, in my mother’s case, slam shut.

“I want to talk about sex.”


“Don’t talk about sex?”

“No, don’t have sex.”



Congratulations. You’ve just read the one and only sex talk I had with my mother when I was 18. Before that, I couldn’t get the word ‘sex’ out of my mouth before she changed the subject.

For people who have the same problem with their parents, I’m hoping to bridge the gaps of communication among students, parents and health professionals, with a column devoted to answering some of the questions that aren’t being asked and the ones that make us blush.

According to the 2005 Centers for Disease Control Youth Risk Behavior Survey, over 45 percent of high school students have had sex at least once by the time they enter college and close to 15 percent have had sex with four or more partners.

Because a third of them didn’t use a condom, it isn’t much of a surprise that half of the 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections are diagnosed in people who are 15 to 24 years old, as cited on the CDC Web site.

Somebody needs to start talking because allowing this trend to continue is irresponsible.

Somewhere along the line of communication there’s a failure to inform people of the basics of sexual responsibility.

In hearing various conversations around campus, there are two basic sexual truths many college students hold: Sex is a chore or sex needs to happen to have any fun.

Neither is true, but it has taken a lot of years, and a lot of enjoyable and not so enjoyable moments, for me to learn this lesson.

As a 30-year-old mother of two, I can empathize with parents who feel having a talk about sex with their child is the most daunting task of their lives.

The first time my daughter, Marlie, asked me if I ever had ‘the S-Word’ I nearly choked. Now, at 8 years old, she sometimes stumps me with her insights, thanks to my openness and honesty with her.

Sex isn’t just about being safe. Fun topics such as foreplay, physical differences and some sexual deviance will be explored as well. Or, as my daughter suggested, tips on certain sexual acts. I’m hoping she doesn’t need those for a long time.

This isn’t a column for Playboy or Hustler. It’s for people who want to have their questions answered by someone who is willing to find the experts to help and inform.

E-mail me questions or subjects you would like to see covered, or uncovered, in this column at [email protected] All e-mails will be anonymous and no question is inappropriate.

This is your chance to find out all the things you’ve wanted to ask, but were nervous.

Everybody is not having sex, but the bedroom is no place to start your education.

Know the basics before getting caught up in the heat of the moment and things will go much smoother.

E-mail questions, comments and ideas for future columns to Chandra Niklewski at [email protected]