Man. I don’t know about you, ladies and gentlemen, but I’ve been busy the past few weeks.

Part of it is my fault. Trying to run a successful radio show (Cheap Milk, Tuesdays from 4 to 6 p.m. on 88.1), a successful webcomic (prettycolorscomic.blogspot.com), and a successful “Guitar Hero” career (best in BG), I get kind of stressed out. I also have a hard time being modest, AND I’ve got all kinds of homework to do. Plus, with finals coming up, I’m on the fast track to having Britney’s choice in style by pulling all my hair out. So, naturally, I need to figure out a way to stay relaxed during the day. Calming one’s self is very important. In fact, many religions (the crazy non-Christian ones) focus on focus. So, I started following some of teachings of various religions, as well as the teachings of the self-help guru Tony Robins (and his gigantic friggin’ head). As far as I’m concerned, most of their teachings were kinda dumb. None of them seemed to fit my lifestyle. So, I decided to come up with a specialized relaxation program to make me (and hopefully others) take some time out to calm down, and feel better about themselves. And, yes, if you were wondering, it does have a name: Dr. Jon Ruggiero (DDS) presents Overachieving Underachievers: A Guide to Relaxing, The Slacker Way.

First of all, you have to learn to put things off until the last minute. While most people frown upon this idea, I fully embrace it. Look at the positives: You get to free up time to do whatever you want without having to worry about the test or homework you have to work on. Your mind doesn’t have to be clouded with things like “thoughts” and “ideas.” Plus, all your stress can be bottled up until 10 minutes before the assignment is due, thus saving you hours of hair-pulling frustration.

Second, spend your downtime doing things that make you happy. This sounds basic, but there are actually people who spend their downtime studying and such. Those people are huge nerds, though (and will also go on to make more money than me). Do things that will relieve stress in your life. Take a bath. Play a video game. Kick a squirrel that jumps into your path when walking around campus. That last one sounds horrible, but, come on, those little rats are asking for it.

Third, attempt to stress out others whenever possible. By diffusing your stress onto others, you’ll feel much better about yourself. Plus, when you actually need to buckle down and do work, you won’t have any bothersome friends or family to get in your way. Try these simple tasks around your friends to annoy them:

-make repetitive noises while they study

-leave trash and other belongings of yours in their rooms

-let everyone know about every little insignificant aspect of your life (like SOMEONE I know)

Follow these simple tasks, and you’ll be on your way to a pure, calm state of euphoria. Or, if you’re not into that hippie crap, you’ll just be really relaxed.

Jon ([email protected]) is helping to control the squirrel population of Bowling Green.