Dear Captain RibMan,

My three roommates and I share one computer. This sucks because we all use it for e-mail, class work and computer games. We set up times when each of us can use it, but the times get traded, we forget what we traded for and the arguments never stop. We used to be good friends. What do you suggest?

Vince

University of Mississippi

Dear Vince,

There are loads of fake viruses you can send your roommates’ e-mail accounts. When they open up their e-mail, the computer will appear to have crashed. That’s when you volunteer to go through the agonizing task of ‘recovering’ all the programs. As soon as your grateful roomy leaves, you’re home free! Some people get so stressed, they end up buying a second computer! Problem solved!

Good luck!

Dear Captain RibMan,

My best friend and I have shared the same two bedroom apartment all through college. It’s our senior year and I was looking forward to the time together. The thing is, her boyfriend has moved in and I can’t stand him. You’ll probably think I’m jealous or something, but the fact is he is a jerk. He doesn’t respect my friend (he has been seen going into other girls’ apartments late at night) and he doesn’t respect me (he eats my food and lies about it). I’m so pissed ff!

Kristen

University of Alabama

Dear Kristen,

During the two months I attended college, my roommates were never around so I don’t know what to tell you. I’m guessing they were jealous of my Lawrence Welk CD collection which I played 24/7. Whenever their friends came over to visit, everyone left within minutes. Sorry I couldn’t give you any ideas on how to get rid of your roommate’s boyfriend.

Good luck!