Ask Captain Ribman

Dear Captain RibMan,

I’m always hungry! How can I keep eating at my desk while not offending

anyone and pretending I’m still working?


Dear Sebastian,

I’ve seen diabetics get cut a lot of slack about their eating habits and needing to keep their insulin levels steady. Now I don’t know a damn thing about diabetes, but I do know most people don’t know about as much as me. So, the odds are you can get away with reporting you are diabetic – or border-line diabetic – and unnamed ‘specialists’ recommend you prevent harmful insulin surges by snacking throughout the day. Act hurt and despondent about your condition. That should head off any smarty-pants co-worker questioning the diagnosis.

If anyone is offended by your non-stop munching, they won’t have the guts to show it. You’re sick! Doctor’s orders! What do they want? For you to go blind? Worse?

I think not.

Good luck!

Dear Captain RibMan,

If you had the choice of having sex all day or going to school and making a lot of money, which would you choose?

Donald Donkley


Dear Donald,

First, thanks for assuming I could be admitted to a college.

That’s quite a dilemma you present. Hmm….I would be a pimp while attending college and get the best of both worlds. That’s my final answer.

Good luck!

Captain RibMan