It might seem strange, but at least twice a year, the question “What color toothbrush would you like?” is the most enjoyable phrase I hear.
That’s because it means my trip to the dentist is finally over.
Ask anyone if they really ever look forward to going to the dentist. You’ll get the same response as if you asked someone if they really floss everyday… No.
Going to the dentist is one of the most uncomfortable and awkward experiences someone will ever have. When was the last time you let someone you met five minutes ago shove their hands in your mouth? I’m guessing you’re answer is identical to the previous one about flossing. Sure, dentists help us keep our teeth clean, but let’s recap a typical trip to the dentist for a few paragraphs with our imaginary friend, who definitely flosses everyday, Jim.
Jim walks into the dentist at 9:35 a.m. because 9:35 a.m. is an awkward time and because anyone who plans appointments can never seem to squeeze Jim in or anyone else at a normal time like 9 or 9:30 a.m.
As Jim waits for his dental hygenist, he is serenaded by the sound of a little boy or girl getting their first cavity filled. How lucky of Jim to be part of such a special “first” experience.
After Jim sits down, the hygenist and or dentist prods around in their mouth with pointy, metal objects and something of a miniature, high powered super-soaker. But that’s not the worst part.
While prodding around in Jim’s mouth, the dentist or hygenist rests their arms on Jim’s face and forehead, while asking him the same questions he asked Jim during his last visit. Where are you going to school? What’s your major? What do you do for fun on the weekends? (Insert awkward dentist laugh here, implying something illegal or unreasonable).
If that doesn’t convince you or Jim to stop going to the dentist, then let’s consider another aspect of the dentist him or herself.
Dentists always seem to have awkward names, such as “Dr. Hershey,” or maybe even “Dr. Twizzler.”
Did those dentists just go into their profession to be ironic or what? No little kid, or Jim, who you’ve hopefully realized is a college student, will ever want to go to the dentist more because their dentist is “ironic.” Children don’t understand irony, and if Jim is anything like us college students, he probably doesn’t fully get irony either.
The only thing that trumps an awkward candy or sugar related last name is when dentists try to be clever with alliteration. For example, someone named Dan might want to be a dentist, he might even put “Dan the dentist,” on the door to his practice (just like a dentist on the TV show Dexter does).
Just because the word dentist begins with the letter “D” and so does someone’s name doesn’t mean they should publicize that. You don’t see me changing my name to John, so I can go by John the journalist, Max works just fine.
Now that you or Jim have realized the dentist’s awkwardly alliterated name and profession, I bet you can’t wait until he or she asks what color toothbrush you’d like.
I actually plan my color out ahead of time as to not wasting any time at getting far away as quickly as possible.
Last week’s visit was red.
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