Sharon Osbourne, Donny Osmond, Tony Danza – normally when you think of these three people you don’t think of variety shows, or even family sitcoms.

These three have tarnished their once fabulous legacies with a new title-awful talk show host.

Newest to join the ranks is beautiful super model Tyra Banks. I had the pleasure of watching Tyra’s first show while I was eating breakfast the other day in the Union.

Tyra came out and tried to do her whole thing and many people in the audience were clapping like they loved it. I did not love it.

Banks’ show seems to be all about proving that instead of being a shiny, glamorous celebrity, she is just a real person like you and me.

Celebrities are not real. They are not real because they are on television, and eating nachos on TV is the same as walking the catwalk in Milan on TV. It is simply not real.

The show continued on and Tyra went around showing people that she eats food and that she can take off her makeup on national television and be totally comfortable with it.

She invited some guests to talk about their beauty struggles and I figured out the formula for these weird talk shows.

If the celebrity is relatively unknown, or a comedian, they interview more famous people than themselves.

Conan O’Brien interviews people like George Clooney and Salma Hayek. However, if a celebrity is really well-known, it turns into more of a self-help show.

The only person to break the rules so far is Oprah, but she breaks rules all of the time, so no one really notices. Oprah has her own formula: make people cry and use whatever resources you have to do that.

Give people free cars or talk about something controversial and heartbreaking, it’s really all the same.

Unlike Oprah, Tyra had a career before she had her talk show. Tyra Banks is really well known.

She hosted a hit reality show (America’s Next Top Model) and has been around for years.

So now that this is all said and done, Tyra talks to women about how they feel fat and then she gives them make overs.

This show needs to be erased so that we can implement my new plan for talk shows.

The problem is that after one or two seasons, things dull down and shows start to repeat themselves. The same jokes are told and the same producers tell them that it is still funny. It’s not.

So my idea is that we make a channel with a perpetual talk show on at all times.

To watch it, you must have cable, because people will need to pay for something this great.

The perpetual talk show will not only rotate guests, but hosts as well. Larry David can interview Jerry Seinfeld.

Jeff Goldblum can interview Eric McCormick, and vice versa. In between interviews, we can arrange some sort of human interest time.

Paternity tests, thirteen-year-old prostitutes, you name it, we got it. Twenty-four hour a day meaningless programming that is not clogging up the regular stations.

This will free up time for more interesting and educational shows, such as Roseanne reruns and C.S.I.

Pretty soon someone is going to have to start a C.S.I. channel as well, because the different versions of that show are getting ridiculous.

Solving this problem with the talk show channel will also release Tyra Banks from this formulaic, talk show hell.

What will Tyra possibly have to talk about after these first few weeks?

It seems like she got everything covered in the first show. Even Tyra’s mom came on.

I laughed, I cried, but in the end, all Tyra did for me was give me a revolutionary television idea and a makeover to boot.

‘#160;

Send comments to Stephanie Spencer at [email protected]