Why hasn’t anyone discovered that life would be ten times better if everything was open 24 hours?

So far the only people that have caught on are the executives that own Meijer and the occasional Kroger.

Because of crises in New Orleans and with gasoline, I can’t really sleep after watching the news.

So, I decide I might want to head down to the bank or the video store.

The bank’s hours are insane. It’s open for about two hours every day until it slams its doors at 4 p.m.

Give me a break. What if you work a full time job? There is no way that you are going to get to the bank by 4.

This can’t be a new concept.

Comedian Dane Cook had a bit a while ago about the Department of Motor Vehicles.

According to Cook, the DMV is open for about fifteen seconds and no one can just ‘drop by’ because you have to wait in line for 10 or 12 hours.

College students are always awake, so a 24-hour coffee shop would be the university student’s solution to everything. A relaxing place to study at 4 a.m. would not be a bad idea.

Come to think of it, I think I might open one myself.

The place would be called ‘Celebrity Coffee’ and then there would be a sign saying, ‘Can’t sleep? Good. We are open all day, every day 24/7/365’ in neon letters.

Of course it would only be called Celebrity Coffee for my own enjoyment, but nonetheless, I’m sure it would get the point across.

24-hour services would create so many cool new jobs. Working third shift at a factory isn’t very fun, but working third shift at somewhere you would want to be wouldn’t be that bad.

Like a fruit stand or something.

All of campus should be open 24-hours as well. The world could run on a completely different schedule and no one would have to conform to a schedule by the sunlight.

Night classes would be in the dead of night and you could run over to The Sundial for a light snack afterwards.

I’m not saying keep the place fully staffed at 3:30 a.m., but maybe just have a guy sitting at a computer desk, waiting patiently and readily to enjoy your company and business.

However, the 24-hour idea could potentially pose a problem because restaurants would never close.

This might lead to some smelly situations.

No one would ever have to close and clean, and guacamole on the floor would be picked up only when someone got around to it or whenever someone gets sick of smelling it.

Aside from this, the night is so much better for doing pretty much anything.

It’s cooler outside, everyone is more relaxed, and the world might be a little bit safer.

Think about it: if you’re in a dark alley, it’s late at night and you see someone walking toward you, you wouldn’t have to be as scared.

After all, it could be a friendly businessman on his way to a taxi, or even a person walking to Celebrity Coffee.

The only reason people are scared of the night is because no one is ever around. Nothing is open, and no one has a real reason to be out.

But if everything were open 24-hours, it would be a completely different story.

Children would be playing outside in their front yards, adults would be chatting over their fences about neighborhood gossip.

It would be just like day, only night.

This is pretty much how I picture Alaska during the six months of the year that the sun disappears.

The only thing that would be banned from going on 24-hours would be construction or any equally loud activity.

We all have to sleep sometime, and no one has invented a silencer for jackhammers just yet.

The Internet, however, should be closed sometime during the night.

I found some pictures of Carrot Top shirtless awhile ago and couldn’t sleep for weeks.

Perhaps if the Internet had been closed, I wouldn’t have had to endure that pain.

P.S. If you haven’t seen it, don’t bother looking.

And if you have seen it, then you already know that the sight of a shirtless Carrot Top is all it takes to keep one from her pleasant dreams.

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