I don’t normally do these stream-of-consciousness columns, but it’s getting late, and we’re running out of local content. It’s either this or an indoor soccer story.
Somebody knock off Kent
Please. For the love of all that is sacred in this world, don’t let the Flashes win the MAC Tournament. ESPN slips on its own drool by waxing poetically about Kent every time it talks about the MAC Tournament. Kent will be fine. It can get an at-large bid to the NCAAs. However, for teams like Bowling Green and Ball State, I’m not so sure.
Dan Dickau
The Gonzaga guard looks like some guys I’ve seen smoking outside University Hall at 11 p.m. He’s skinny and pasty with a dust-mop haircut, but he’s going to be a lottery pick in the NBA draft. If the Mavericks draft him, he should get together with Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki and form a rock band.
Ricky Williams
For once and for all, the 1999 NFL Draft controversy in Cleveland could be settled. If Browns coach Butch Davis has his way, Williams and Tim Couch could be teammates in Cleveland next season via a trade. But would they both have tough seasons if the Browns don’t put an offensive line in front of them?
Chief Wahoo
I am not really a Native American rights trumpeter, but maybe it’s time the Tribe puts that logo on the shelf for a while and sees if their luck clears up. Jolbert Cabrera was shot in the rear, John McDonald had an emergency appendectomy, bullpen coach Luis Isaac was rushed in for emergency colon surgery and Alex Escobar tore up his knee. That’s all since December. And I haven’t even gotten into the continuing saga that is Charlie Manuel’s lower intestine.
The NBA Draft Lottery
This is the biggest sham in sports that doesn’t involve professional boxing. Why do they need to hold it behind closed doors? Here’s my theory: The NBA uses it to funnel the best talent where it wants it to go. Take a look at the teams that got the last three No. 1 picks:
1999, Chicago Bulls. At that point, the Bulls had just gotten done dismantling their dynasty, but they were still the flagship team for the NBA worldwide. It was in the NBA’s best interest to get the Bulls good again as quick as possible. The Bulls took Elton Brand, who is a solid player … for the Clippers. The Bulls traded him for the rights to a high schooler over the summer. I smell the smoke from the gunshot wound to the foot way over here. 2000, New Jersey Nets. Rod Thorn left the NBA front office to take over basketball operations for the Nets just beforehand. Might have been a little of a going-away gift from NBA commissioner David Stern. 2001, Washington Wizards. Hey, Michael Jordan? This is the NBA. Thanks for coming back. As a token of our gratitude, we’d like to give you whoever you think is the best player in the draft.
Speaking of pro boxing
Hey, what’s wrong with a little Mike Tyson? Boxing is already for those with a macabre fascination for watching two people bloody each other for money. Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield and Lennox Lewis only adds that extra cold shiver of the villain riding into town with his posse. Besides, heaven help us if Tyson didn’t have boxing in his life.
Sport or not a sport?
Curling – it sure as heck doesn’t look that hard once you master walking on ice. But after watching the intensity and competitiveness that sport is treated with by the players and the analysts, it sure doesn’t look like a parlor game.
Darts – Not a sport, but don’t tell that to the guy who almost had an eye put out by one of those plastic-tipped “safety” darts. Badminton – Backyard pastime. But, hey, U.S. badminton players once complained that they couldn’t play in a facility because the air conditioning vents were playing with the flight of the birdie. Pool – I think so. I sure as heck can’t make some (most) of the trick shots the pros can.
Bowling – Yes. Those “spare thoughts” commercials on ESPN convinced me.
Finally, to my girlfriend
Hi, Megan. I know you’re probably reading this.
