Before I get this week’s hilariousness started I gotta point out last week’s stirring controversy around this hairy columnist. My piece on women and relationships struck a few nerves, and if you don’t know me personally, I can understand that. This is my style, so if your sense of humor is as dull as a new box of pencils, then unlicensed humorology is not for you. And now for the feature presentation.
This week I’m talking about game shows. As much as I love trivia, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire isn’t the best one out there. And reality game shows like Survivor and Boot Camp made the wide world of game shows more tarnished than figure skating. When did we lose sight of the important things like giving away free prizes to total strangers just because they guessed how much it costs?
I’m talking about The Price is Right. Might this not be the greatest show of all time that doesn’t rhyme with “Flimpsons?” In the same way The Simpsons did, Price is Right succeeded with tradition. For instance, if you’ve watched the show since you were three years old like me, you’d know that when an old woman tries to spin the Big Wheel and it doesn’t make a full revolution, the crowd starts booing. When a contestant misses a putt in the Hold in One game, you hold your breath, but then remember that the game is “Hole in One. or Two!” It’s all about the little nuances that make up a quality capitalist television program.
Who of us hasn’t had that childhood dream of being called by Rod Roddy to come down to contestants row, bid on some exercise bike, and gone on to play Plinko? One of these days I’m going to build my own Plinko board and charge my friends $5 to play it. Of course, I wouldn’t give away real money. How else am I supposed to make a profit?
What’s so great about this game is that anyone in the audience can end up winning the game, not like these new game shows. Anyone could be called to “Come on down!” to contestant’s row in hopes of bidding closest to the actual retail price without going over. My friend pointed out that one of his pet peeves on the show is when people bid $1 in an item. Sure, it’s strategy, but why just a buck? It’s not a 20-minute phone call. Why not $2, or $6, or $70? I don’t think a dishwasher would cost less than $52 unless he’s a Cuban defect.
Then once someone gets out of contestant’s row, you can tell when good ol’ Bob Barker preps him or her for what they are about to win. When those famous three words are uttered (“A new car!”), you just know the pricing game will be more important than the other ones (except Plinko). Just once I want Rod Roddy to say “A used car!” and then see the shocked look on the contestant’s face. However, the best non-car, non-money-giving-away game would have to be the Mountain Climber game, hands down. There’s something about that little guy who yodels as he climbs the mountain, only to fall off, that will put a smile on your face at 11 in the morning.
After the pricing games, everyone gets their hand at that big wheel where you have to get a dollar in one or two spins. I wonder if you actually win that money. Backstage, Barker’s Beauties probably give you this oversized check made out to you for 85 cents.
After an hour of good clean price-guessing fun, we are all reminded by the ageless Bob Barker to spay or neuter our puppies. I think my dog Sophie would be quite lucky if that’s all I did to her. But here’s my advice to you: Skip any classes that coincide with Price is Right. Some may tell you that class is important, but I am here to tell you that it is most certainly not as important as Plinko.
