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BG Falcon Media

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BG Falcon Media

The BG News
BG24 Newscast
November 30, 2023

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Girls: Can’t live with or without them

A few weeks ago, nearby Toledo received a good amount of snowfall. We didn’t. We were pelted with ice storms and high velocity winds. Eventually Toledo got storms suffered power outages. Now I may not be a religious man, but if I were, I’d bet that God showered us with frozen precipitation because girls are manifested evil.

I say this because I believe it, and half of the living population is on my side. Not only does that other half disagree with me, they’re completely on the other opposite end of the spectrum. Females believe that guys are the root of all their problems, and that somehow it’s always our fault. And therein lies the dilemma: men are from Mars, women suck.

Trying to understand girls is like trying to set up a computer using just the French side of the instructions. The hardest thing I had to do last semester was break up with my girlfriend who I started dating in the summer. And that’s taking into account the time I was subdued by that pesky mononucleosis virus, preventing me from going to class. However, I had belief in myself that I could still manage to pass all of my classes. Then I thought about mono some more. For a month out of the year I was distracted by my classes, causing me to lie around the house and complain. It kept me up at night, and after I felt better I was glad that it was over. My conclusion is such: the virus was a girl.

Pretty much every friend I have was in a relationship at one time or another last semester. And very few of them, to me, were sound investments. A little too many complaints and sleepless nights resulted from them. I didn’t mind trying to help them out to a point, because in helping others, you just might learn something about them, other people, and yourself. Then you take all that wisdom and slap it silly with a cattle prod once you try c omprehending the theory of getting back together after a breakup. A lot of this isn?t news to you, yet we continue to date person after person. I’m not excluded from this pattern either. Even yours truly went on a date this past weekend. It went as well as I could have hoped. It’s those occasions where guys and girls actually get along that keep me from cutting them off altogether.

So why do we constantly attempt something we know is flawed? I tell you why I keep on truckin: my parents. I don’t know how my mom and dad could not live and be married at the same time. That proves me wrong on some levels that romance is dead. I may be unromantic and a non-believer in fate, but I guess I can accept that some relationships can work out in the long run.

Now it’s time to address my sexism. I call it sexism because I think girls are stupid. I wouldn’t call it sexism because I apply that same standard to all people. My dad said that people are “stupid until proven smart.” More often than not he’s right. For the most part I find girls all too emotional, ditzy, and complicated. It’s those select few that I enjoy to be around. Since everyone is under that rule, I can jump through a loophole and not be classified as a male chauvinist pig.

Before I go off on too much of a tangent (God, I hated trigonometry), I’ll try to steer us back to the eternal struggle: girls will always be us guys’ Achilles heels. Even Achilles never understood the ladies. But then again, none of the Greeks ever had it easy when it came to choosing women. Just ask Oedipus.

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