Michael Bolton, Celine Dion serve in Iraq war?

Joe Bugbee and Joe Bugbee

AT ISSUE Pulse writer examines the artists that should help in the war in his top 5 lists.

(Editor’s note: Part one of this column ran March 21 and is continued today.

My Top Five Records to Play While Trying to Cry Myself to Sleep at Night

1) Wilco-Summer Teeth — Wilco fans know this. The steel pedal in “Via Chicago” is ridiculously, fantastically good.

2) Smashing Pumpkins –Siamese Dream- Billy is sooo sad. See “Today”: sounds upbeat, but no way, Holmes.

3) The Verve — Northern Soul- Beautiful, layered, complicated rock. Richard Ashcroft sings with a bucket of booze.

4) Miles Davis — Kind of Blue- This jazz masterpiece is so good, I laugh myself awake.

5) The Jayhawks — Sound of Lies- Soulful, articulate rock with a little bit of twang, more bands should be like these guys.

My Top Five Most Underrated Guitarists.

1) Mark Knopfler — Dire Straits- Who? He’s the guy with the headband who coined the now legendary “money for nothing and the chicks for free.” Oh, and he wasn’t bad with the ax either.

2) George Harrison — The Beatles and Solo — If his only guitar solo was on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” he’d still be in this list; his guitar was the anchor of The Beatles.

3) Rich Robinson — Black Crowes — The dude played alongside Jimmy Page. 4) Alex Liefson –Rush — If his only guitar solo was on “Working Man,” he’s still be on this list.

5) C.C. Deville-Poison- Just kidding. He sucks.

5) Jonny Greenwood –Radiohead — The only guitarist on this list I’ve seen live. He’s freakishly good.

My Top Five Bands/Musicians I Think Should Be Shipped Off to Iraq to Help the War Effort

1) Nickleback — Aren’t we clear on this yet? Rush is the only Canadian rock band that should ever exist.

2) Linkin Park — Weren’t these dorks in that Pepsi Blue commercial?

3) Michael Bolton — He lost the pony tail, but he’s still Michael Bolton

4) Celine Dion — Celine hasn’t been good since … ever.

5) Aerosmith- The boring boys from Boston haven’t had a good album since the Reagan Administration.

And Finally…My Top Five Bands/Musicians That I Wanted To Mention In This Column But Somehow Couldn’t Fit In, Blast!

1) The Jesus and Mary Chain — The single most influential band of the 1980s-No J’MC, no Nirvana, but is that really that a bad thing?

2) The Flaming Lips — Dreamy rock n’ roll that revolves around robots.

3) Television — Proto punk rockers changed the musical world in 1977 with the landmark Marquee Moon.

4) The Rolling Stones — I saw their HBO special. I demand a written apology from Mick and Keith.

5) Snoop Dogg — I heard this guy raps too.

There it is, the essential top five. It’s not a perfect list, but it’s pretty close. Hate mail and death threats can be sent to Joe Bugbee, care of The BG News.