Because sex sells, I must bid you adieu

They say sex sells.

As your fearless leader into sex, love, relationships, etc., I conducted independent study into whether or not sex actually sells. And let me tell you, kids, it sells.

Back in September, a friend asked me if I’d model lingerie at the University Tech Fair —- a ploy to attract potential customers to his booth. He said he’d pay me to wear a boustier, a short skirt (that didn’t really cover anything), thigh-high fishnets and knee-high boots in public.

Almost simultaneously, this sex/relationship/love column fell into my lap. And you’ve seen the results of that.

Mid-October brought the Tech Fair and my first scantily clad public appearance.

Not surprising, my friend’s booth was one of the more popular booths at the Tech Fair. (Strangely, mostly male patrons inquired into his Web hosting company for which I was advertising. Quite baffling.) He managed to interest a few of the young men that came to the booth with his Web hosting services. Still the majority simply wanted to talk to me about my “outfit” or lack there of.

I suppose I did my job though. My job was to use a sexual image —- my scantily clad self —- to attract patrons over to the booth. It’s a lot like this job: I write sex/love/relationship columns to attract readers to the paper.

Thus, let the record show, yes, sex does sell, and it can pretty much sell anything.

Of course, you didn’t need my personal evidence to see our sex-obsessed culture and its use of sexual images to sell the product of the day. You’re reading this column, aren’t you?

For those of you living under a rock, let me enlighten you. A local bar hosts a sort of “Coyote Ugly” evening once in a while, where female bartenders and female patrons dance on the bar. Fox hosted a show over the summer called “Paradise Hotel,” where, so I understand from reading several articles and reviews, the goal was essentially to shack up and stay shacked up so as not to get kicked off the show. The movies of 2003 that used sex to entice viewers are too numerous to name. And would the California Recall have been nearly as fun without Larry Flint, the world’s most notable porn mag publisher, and Mary Carey, a porn star who ran on the platform that she would make lap dances tax deductible?

Call me old fashioned, but when did sex —- a wonderful act between two lovers —- become such a public obsession? A sexy woman in a bikini sprawled across the hood of a Yugo doesn’t make the car any better of a purchase. It’s still a Yugo. But because of the sexual image on the Yugo, it is more likely to sell. Any product sells when it’s sold with the image of sex.

And, now that I’ve been a part of this “sex sells” phenomenon, through both the Tech Fair “modeling” and this column, I can most assuredly say, I’m disgusted by it. Are we that blind to everything and that concentrated on sex that to sell a web hosting service I dressed with more skin exposed than covered? Must this column even really be about sex/love/relationship related topics for people to pick up papers?

For that, and other personal reasons, I think we should end this relationship as columnist and reader.

It’s not you; it’s me. I’m just not ready for this kind of commitment. There will be other sex/love/relationship columnists in your future —- some far better than I. I care deeply about you. Very deeply. I just can’t keep up the facade that is this relationship anymore. I hope you understand. I know you’ll move on. Let’s make this easy, a clean break.

On second thought, I don’t want to say goodbye. Let’s just say see ya later.

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