Webster’s Dictionary defines “oxymoron” as “a name you called somebody in fourth grade right after English class, when you discovered a word that contained the word ‘moron.'” Once that got old, it simply meant, “a phrase that contradicted itself.” Some of my favorites are “military intelligence,” “pretty ugly” and “rap music.” One of my least favorites is “reality TV,” namely because I don’t care to watch it, although I end up watching it due to peer pressure, as my friends love it for some reason.
Reality TV is more of a misnomer than an oxymoron. What they want you to think is that reality television is based upon real people with real emotions.
This whole reality TV carousel started with “Survivor;” a show where contestants would compete for a million dollars by eating the most worms. It was a great idea, and several people watched it. I did enjoy the challenges, mainly because it reminded me of “Super Sloppy Double Dare” for adults.
What really disinterested me, which later became the crux of reality television, were the 24-hour cameras. If a contestant broke down and cried, or started chewing out his or her competition, it would be caught on tape, edited to the producer’s whims and sold as a cheap substitute for a well-written script.
After “Survivor,” only every other channel wanted their version of reality TV. To name every show would take up the entire Opinion section. What’s worse are the so-called dating shows, like “Elimidate” and “Dismissed.” This is where television de-evolved. It became so bad, that the prize was no longer a million clams, but merely “each other.”
To top it off, the people on these shows are generally white trash (or trash of any other race, I’m not being selective), and most likely break up two weeks after the show. By the way, if I offended you by calling them white trash, I’ll tone it down. People who go on these shows are nothing but big, stupid, oxymorons.
People say that they watch these shows to “make fun of the people on them.” Now why would you do that? Why would anyone give two licks about some schmuck they have never met, nor will ever meet? I’ve got too many friends to make fun of around here! If you know me, and you know my friends, you’ll understand from where I’m coming. Once I sufficiently tease my buddies on campus, then maybe I’ll considering tackling the individuals I don’t know.
Do you know what type of television I enjoy? Reality TV’s humble predecessor, the game show. Like “Survivor,” they have real people, and a host. There is also a cash prize. Thankfully, unlike “Survivor,” “American Idol,” and “The Mole,” the contestants keep their emotions to themselves. That’s the kicker. I don’t know these people, and I could care less how the losers react.
Imagine watching the “Price is Right,” and the old lady with the funny name starts ranting because she didn’t correctly guess the price of the dinette set. “Those dining sets aren’t that expensive,” she might angrily say, “I don’t even need a dining table. They didn’t want me to have it. They just wanted to give that attractive co-ed the trip to Cancun. I trusted her and she stabbed me in the back.” There isn’t a cure for reality TV. Not with the networks continuing to churn out everything from “Boot Camp” to “Bachelorettes in Alaska.” FOX even took it a step further, with their new treat, “Joe Millionaire.”
Apparently they have run out of good ideas, so now they have just decided to lie to the contestants. Maybe you just need some suggestions of similar shows where the contestants aren’t grilled off-stage. How about “American Gladiators?” The reruns of those are always fun to watch, especially because they involve NFL legend Larry Csonka. Another one is “Iron Chef,” found on the Food Network, where two Chinese chefs have a cook-off. There are no oxymorons backstage pouring their hearts out. It’s simply good, old-fashioned, and unathletic competition. And remember to help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.
