Forbidden love uncovered between Frieda and Rocky


Haven Conn

Frieda and Rocky hiding on BGSU’s campus.

J. J. Jameson, Satire Reporter

In Bowling Green’s biggest upset with the University of Toledo since their 38-3 loss against them in the 2020 football season, recent photos reveal that Frieda Falcon and Rocky the Rocket have kindled a relationship with one another.

This forbidden romance was, evidently, supposed to be a secret. Because of this, both parties refused to speak about it, or even say anything to begin with. And yet, despite the passion they seemingly show for one another, there are still many questioning the validity of their love.

Rocky reportedly never removes his helmet, which showcases a clear discomfort toward Frieda. And Frieda always wears the same expression; if she always looks happy, then is she truly ever happy?

It’s what’s on the inside that counts, and neither side seems to be willing to show their true selves; or, at least, not for a year.

We reached out to Freddie and Rocksy to hear their sides of the story, but received a similar silence. But, out of every mascot, Freddie was the most vocal about the relationship and responded by awkwardly covering his eyes and shaking his head; the universal sign for, “This relationship is an affront against everything this university stands for.”

Our talons go up and out for Freddie, who must be feeling betrayed by this development.

Rocksy also seems to be reeling from the revelation. According to the University of Toledo, Rocky and Rocksy are “just friends,” but Rocky’s negative reaction suggests otherwise. With one part of the dynamic duo shackled to love, the Rockets might only be flying half as high as they did originally.

Students are also wondering what this blooming relationship could mean for the two universities. Some speculate that this could be the start of a merger between UT and BG, in order to permanently end their bitter rivalry. Despite the theory, neither side appears to be willing to concede that they came up with the plan, mostly because conceding, in itself, would be the final loss of the rivalry.

Frieda and Rocky are coming out with a new book about their love, Flying Beyond Boundaries, Together. It is expected to release April 1, 2023.

April Fools from Falcon Media!