There comes a point in every college career when one longs for a simpler time.
Classes get more intense, commitments to work and to campus organizations become more serious and what’s expected of all of us changes drastically from our classes to our personal lives.
In all of the confusion of growing from children to adults, one thing, sadly, seems to stay pretty constant: certain attitudes in the dating scene.
I know many of you reading this that are in long term relationships would scoff at the notion of high school and college dating having any similarities, because after all, we’re all so much more grown-up now, right?
I’m sure for many people, there are significant differences, and although we can all be immature, it’s all part of growing up.
However, one part of the dating scene in particular has convinced me that a great many people need a reality check.
The “friend zone” is an imaginary, but none-too-magical place where bitter people [usually guys] choose to hide and feel sorry for themselves rather than face rejection.
I’m usually not one to go out of my way to judge people and I know my previous statement was harsh, but when I hear smart people I know making silly statements like this, I’m obligated to make an exception.
There was a time when I too ascribed to the fluffy and comforting notion of being “friend zoned;” as if it were somehow the obligation of my love interest du jour to accept my feelings and reciprocate them regardless if she felt anything for me or not.
It was some time before I really examined this position and thought to myself, “this is simply unfair.”
Guys, since it’s mostly us who use this expression, let’s do ourselves a favor and stop.
It’s insulting to the independence of women as well as to our own dignity as men.
For any of you who might be thinking that this just hasn’t happened to me yet or that I’ve been blessed with Casanova-esque powers of seduction that make me irresistible to women: you can stop wondering.
It has happened to me and I guarantee you, I’m just as nervous and awkward as any other guy when comes to romance and I’ve tripped over my own feet more times than I care to mention on the dance floor.
But I too have put my head in my hands and asked myself forlornly “why is she with him?”
No one is immune to feeling dejected or to feeling that the forces of the world seem to be conspiring to make their lives miserable, but I know from experience that it will not profit you even in the slightest to blame anyone or anything for something as coincidental as rejection.
I say coincidental because finding someone who you want to be with whether for a few months or for longer and having them feel the same way about you is a giant game of chance.
Genuine friendship is rare in this world.
If you’re upset that a person you were pursuing romantically ended up choosing someone else, or quietly told you that they don’t feel “that way” about you, then you’re only human but if you spend your time bemoaning your minor misfortunes instead of accepting them, then you’re just shooting yourself in the foot.
So everyone, please stop talking about the “friend zone.”
If I hear one more person complain about friendship like it’s a bad thing, I might genuinely and permanently lose my sense of empathy.
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