So there I was, on the beach, the crimson setting sun reflecting off of my raven colored hair. The water sparkled as it licked at the last traces of warm light dancing at the edge of the seamless horizon.
I could almost really feel McDreamy’s warm, weathered hands against the small of my back.
His eyes were searching mine as if he had lost his words there.
My heart was going off like a fire drill in Harshman and I was lingering there awaiting the confession of his true love. I could feel my heart lower into my stomach as he opened his perfect mouth.
His mouth began to move, forming all the words I longed for him to say but the sound was like that of the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons-only worse.
“Click, click, click, click, TAP TAP!”
Has this ever happened to you? This is just another flawless example of how my roommate ruins my life everyday. Only this girl has some sort of secret weapon.
The space bar on her keyboard is loose and she has to really give it hell in order to make it work.
On nights like these I like to refer to it as “The space bar heard around the word.”
Like any normal roommate who has just had a good dream (let’s just say it’s her closest thing to male attention she’s gotten in awhile”) I reared my head out of the covers utilizing my best impression of a very angry sea monster who’s just been speared with a triton.
In rapid fire glare mode I looked from the clock to her illuminated face and back to the clock again. (This is one of those times I wish I could shoot lasers out of my face like that dude from X-Men). I mean, for Petes’ sake, it was 4 a.m.!
“What”? I couldn’t sleep,” she looks up at me, jamming her thumb into the detested space bar. I roll over pretending to not know she’s looking at Internet porn. Don’t believe me? What do you look at online at 4 a.m. while your roommates asleep?
. . . Thought so”
You see, the roommate that I was cursed with, I mean roomed with, is one in a million. I mean, she’s not much different than any other girl besides that she’s obsessed with sex. Upon our first meeting she introduced me to her vibrator.
I guess it’s cool though.
I mean, who else do you know that brought their best friend to college with them? Well, unless you count her friends Samantha, Charlotte, Carrie and Miranda. That is, other than Buzzboy, she is completely convinced that the girls from “Sex and the City”are her friends. I’m not lying. The other day she said to me, “Well, yesterday when Miranda and I were at Sax…”
How are you supposed to respond to that?
Please believe, despite this irritation, I’ve devised a plan. I’ve spent too many nights waking up to the space-bar-of-hell to not take revenge.
Here is my advice to all of you out there: install Cyber Sitter on your roommate’s computer.
I know it’s sneaky and depraved. I mean, just imagine how you’d feel being blocked from your favorite e-places? But you’re really going to “help” your roommate kick those late-night habits.
And trust me; the Thirty-Some-Odd bucks are worth every penny. You’re going to get much more sleep. But make sure you rig your space bar or something.
God knows you don’t want them to resort to using your computer.
Amy ([email protected]) is making her exam week much better.
